Comparison VS Complete

Why can't I be more organized like____________?  

She always has it all together.  

She always has her meals planned out. 

She always has spreadsheets ready for the tax person early.

She always has her laundry completely caught up.

She always puts things in her calendar and actually does everything on her to-do list.

And the list continues....

During the second week of January, the shoulder I've already had surgery on once decided to start hurting again and pretty persistently.  I tried to ignore it for a few days hoping it would go away (don't we love to do that with struggles), but I ended up giving in by the end of the week.  

I've been down this road.  I don't like it.  It halts a lot in my life... my workouts, my job, my doing laundry and other household chores, and just basics like carrying my bag into Jet's baseball games.  

Determined for this time to be different, I chose to see the chiropractor that has been treating Justin.... Dr. T... because he loves Jesus, and he crossfits so I know he wouldn't tell me I had to quit doing it because he understands.  

He began with massaging all the muscles that were so inflamed.  They were all inflamed from lifting things in ways I shouldn't have because of the pain that was in my shoulder.  Correct form is so important so that you gain strength and don't cause harm... hmmm,  first spiritual picture I saw coming out of this pain.  God has created each of us and called us "His Masterpieces" (Ephesians 3:20) which means we are all different and have different gifts.  Administration is not one of mine, and each time I try to compare myself to someone who is so organized, I think such harmful thoughts about myself.  I have to recognize that I am His masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (rest of Ephesians 2:10)  

My new correct form so I can be stronger in the area of being organized... 

Don't compare myself to anyone else rather....

Each day, letting the Holy Spirit guide me to complete those things in which He guides me to that day!

As Dr. T pressed on areas and rolled over knots, I squirmed all over that table in pain.  Again, I saw the picture of when God is working on me...it's not comfortable...down right painful, and I want to try to get away from it.  Then he directs me to lay on my right side.  He places a comfy pillow under my head, in between my legs, and one under my left arm and begins poking needles in me.  I've watched Justin go through acupuncture even in the top of his head...so I decided I could do this.  It wasn't too bad at first.  It definitely stung though!  He puts a warm lamp on me, turns the light off, and says he'll be back in a bit.  

While I laid there still, I didn't feel any pain.  Still in the key word... 

Hence one of my favorite verses...Be still & know I am God (Psalm 46:10).  

When I am still (mainly my thoughts) and KNOW He is God... that pain that I felt from a struggle... it's not there because I TRUST HIM to work it out!

But I chose to move one time on that table with the needles in my arm... 

WON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN... WOWZERS, THAT HURT!!  Much like it hurts when I am in the midst of a struggle and choose to move in my timing and not His timing.   

Sometimes it just seems like the struggles are just too much...  like there are already things in your life that you battle yet just like in Exodus when the Israelites were in the dessert, they looked up to see the Egyptians marching after them.  It says 'they were terrified and cried out to the Lord' (Exodus 14:10).   I'm fearful like this in many ways... will this pain (both physical with my shoulder and emotional with other things) ever go away? 

Moses answered the people "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today....  The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14) 

The next part is something new God showed me today (and several times already this morning!) Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me?  Tell the Israelites to move on." (Exodus 14:15)  and after that did,  God used wind to part the Red Sea...unbelievable!!!

Here's what I learned today... 

1.  Grumbling and complaining is just lack of faith.  OUCH!  That hurt my toes a bit this morning.  This inconvenience of shoulder pain and other struggles have at times resulted in complaining.  Where is my trust in God?  Instead of complaining, I can choose to focus on God's faithfulness in the past and know that I can face struggles with confidence rather than fear and complaining.   He is working all things out for my GOOD because I love Him (Romans 8:28).

2.   Every battle that I face is ultimately spiritual.  Satan wants to take me down so that I cannot love on people, be free to extend grace, and ultimately tell them about Jesus who died to give them LIFE eternally with HIM.  Therefore, I should do exactly what Exodus 14:14 says and let the LORD fight for me... I need to be still!

3.  When He directs, move on! (Exo 14:15)  While it seems weird that it says "move on" right after "be still",  it made complete sense to me this morning.  Many times I've prayed and prayed, but as God directs, I don't move...almost like prayer was an excuse to postpone what I know to do.   But when the Israelites moved on, they saw BIG THINGS!   

This is where I am COMPLETE and don't find myself worried about struggles or others...

I know with God as my guide, I will see things like the Red Sea parting.. not necessarily a body of water, but MIRACLES just that big!!!

  It can happen!!  I have seen it happen...

**I have seen forgiveness and restoration in our marriage that is now better than I could imagine.

**I have seen our 26 week twin babies in the NICU struggling for every breath turn into strong 21 year olds serving in the US Army & attending college.

**I have seen our three year old walk up and say words that only could have come from the Holy Spirit.

**I have seen our little boy with cerebral palsy go from 'he won't ever walk and talk' to riding his bicycle, walking, and eventually running on the football field with his twin brother amongst a lot of other things!

**I have seen our little boy bleeding from his stomach, being in the ICU, and having surgery healed and be so very strong!

**I have seen our little boy go through something a parent never wants to experience only to see how God used it in others lives to help heal and love on them.

**I have seen our little boy who is deaf 'hear' Daddy's firetruck sirens and say "Daddy" weeks after having cochlear implant surgery at 2 years old.  

I watch expectedly as God uses this shoulder pain to remind me that 

'When I am weak, He is strong'

and know He is up to something and it is immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine!!

From Pizzaing to Parallel (well, mostly:)..)

Ski trips began for us as a family about 12 years ago for Christmas when we decided to quit spending money on more stuff that would fill our already full home.  Our boys didn't need any other gadget, more clothes (with the exception of underwear & socks... always need more underwear and socks for boys:)..), or more toys... grandparents did a great job of stocking them up on those things.

I have always loved the trips, but I haven't always loved to ski.   I have always been the girl in the pizza...wedging my way down the mountain to a group that has already made their way down the mountain, rested, and once I reach them, they take off again.
















From time to time, I've been talked into going to a new run, and I have never felt more terror in my life.  When your skis are not touching the mountain side that you have to go down to get down, that.is.just.wrong!   It's even more wrong, because pizza doesn't work like that!!  (I know several of my ski buddies are laughing... and I'm totally okay with that!)

So I decided this year on the couples trip to send the crew on ahead, and I was going to spend some time practicing what I had been taught by many, many teachers.  Bend your knees, lean forward, keep your skis together, turn your shoulders where you want to go, etc. etc. etc.  I have heard these for years, but why haven't I tried them?

Jordan asked me on a lift this year in Winter Park "What are you afraid of?"  Without hesitation, I said "Falling & Getting Hurt!"  That conversation sparked thoughts in my head that lead me to spend some time by myself, with Jesus, in Crested Butte in order to do things the way they were intended. Because let's just face it... the physical was only pointing out a spiritual lesson!!   The falling and getting hurt isn't fun whether it's physical or emotional so I always want to avoid it.... BUT in the mean time, I'm missing out on SO much the Lord intends for my life!

So off I go in Crested Butte, once I finally convinced Jamie and Tootie that I was totally okay by myself, attempting to get my skis closer and closer until they were together.  I stayed on greens which had some good steepness to try at the top and then leveled out into beautiful runs the rest of the morning.   I did one run so many times that the lift worker commented "Painter Boy lap girl" to which I gladly smiled and said "Yep!"  No embarrassment here... I'm going to get this down!





















Then Tootie and Jay see me, and we head over to a blue.  I had been down this blue last year so I knew what was coming, and it wasn't that bad.  We went down it, and I did okay turning to the right...it's the left that's just weird.  Then, in Tootie fashion, we go to "Let's try this one!" and as we ski down, I see Jay stopping at the edge and pointing me to a different direction (meaning it's steep! and bless his heart, he's trying to help me!).  Tootie says "Come On!  You Can Do it!"   To which I take my skis off and go back to the top to avoid the slope Jay was warning me might scare me.

I almost went because I didn't want to disappoint my sister, but I knew what I would do when I got scared.... I would revert back to my old ways of pizzaing and lose so much progress I had been making to learn how to ski correctly!

The final morning, everyone was asking me about going to the top.  I've been there before... pizzaed my way down... and I was tempted because I wanted to be with them.  But, I decided to stay working on what I was doing since I was making progress.  I get on the first lift enjoying my time with Jesus until He leads me over to the blues that Tootie and Jay had taken me the first day.  I was like "No! I'm doing so good right here."  He's like "Yes, and you'll do good there.  I will be with you.  You can do it."  (In case you are wondering..there was no audible voice...but you KNOW when He's leading and speaking!)  So, although I may fight with my sister about going... I try my very best to be obedient when the Lord leads...

After all, I know there is something big coming... and boy was there ever!! 

This slope was STEEP!  and LONG!  My legs went to go outward into pizza, but then I quickly stopped (because I needed to take this picture, too... although it isn't even close to showing how steep it was...to me anyway:)..)

As I've reflected on this moment since I've been home,  the Holy Spirit reminded me of when Jesus asked Peter to step out of the boat and walk to Him on the water.  He stepped out, but as soon as he took his eyes off Jesus
"But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink" Matthew 14:29...
just the same as I started with looking at the incredible steepness, I go right back into pizza because I was scared... and would have missed out EXCEPT...

I made it!!  and I made it with my skies closer than they have ever been!!  I know this, too, because my legs hurt in different ways than they've hurt which means I was using different muscles since my legs were in different positions :)   AND LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL VIEW!!

I don't want the words like Jesus said to Peter "You of little faith... why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14) but many times I let FEAR dictate what I am going to do/think over having FAITH!

There are many things I've identified as fears in my life.... sad thing is most of them aren't even anything that there is a reason to fear other than satan just trying to put thoughts into my head.  Those same thoughts that have kept me from learning to ski correctly, practice correctly, and then therefore enjoy more time skiing with my family.  They are all negative, life sucking, trying to steal my joy thoughts...  

"For our struggles is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm."  Ephesians 6:12

When those thoughts come, I revert back to old eating habits, speaking habits, and more destructive thoughts!  I'll never be good enough for him/her....   They don't like me.... If only I could be more organized... I'll never get the weight off....  If only I would....  I'm exhausted!   I'll never catch up! 

See, I think a lot of my fear comes from not knowing what is going to happen in several situations that we are in right now.... just like not knowing what those slopes would be like that Jesus so gently directed me toBUT!!!!!  Yesterday, as I prayed and cried out to God, He sent several messages through people that didn't even realize I was struggling, arranged conversations with people who didn't even realize I was struggling, and showed me many, many times how powerful His word is...

"If you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE."  John 8:31-32

"If humans were supposed to catch everything the first time then I don't think the Bible would be so redundant on things like "do not be afraid" or "do not worry" but it is, and it's okay to need reminders about anything!  Especially how much you are LOVED, CHERISHED, and A PRECIOUS DAUGHTER OF THE ONE TRUE KING!" (That was a text yesterday :)

"Just wanted you to know that I love you and that you are amazing! Happy Wednesday!"  (Another text!)

But here's what I've realized this morning.... I don't have to know everything when I know that the same God that made this beautiful picture for us to see does know everything and HE LOVES ME & IS WORKING EVERYTHING FOR MY GOOD!!  (Those messages and random visits yesterday weren't just coincidence... they were totally the Lord answering my prayers!)

AND AND AND.... He gave me this amazing, funny, wise, and crazy man to cheer me on, challenge me to be my best, and love me unconditional just like God does!   

Unconditional love from the Creator of EVERYTHING... just rest in that today!