When the path is unclear…be still

As I looked in the window before workout last week, I saw what my heart was feeling like.  I could see the gym, the chairs in the room through the glass, the sling on my arm, the signs, but nothing was completely clear.  

I injured my arm in last summer's mission trip while throwing a pretty big tree branch onto a trailer just a few seconds late.  My awesome tree carrying partner, Emily, and I had a system down, but my brain didn't quite process as fast as hers one time.  When she said "1,2,3 throw,  I was back on 1, took the weight of the branch, and then threw it.  Feeling an incredible pain go from my shoulder down the backside of my arm, I grabbed it and begged God to not let it be serious.  All the while, being completely honest, I knew what He was saying back to me. 

See, several years ago, He put a dream in my heart and I received several confirmations from people all around me in various ways.  My heart's desire is to write a book about the journey He's allowed me to travel in this life.  From preemie twins, 23 surgeries on my three boys, parent's divorce, and many, many other things, I've realized something that I think is super important for people to know.  

We all have obstacles in life!  

Some of these obstacles are visible like Justin's cerebral palsy,  

but overall, most of the obstacles can be hidden.  

These are the obstacles that weigh us down.  

Once I began talking about these struggles of being afraid, not feeling like I was good enough, struggling with being a good wife & mother, (just to name a small few),  I realized I'm not alone.  Not only is the Holy Spirit with me every single second, but there are others who have faced these same struggles that help encourage you through them.  

That is when Revelation 12:11 came to life for me.

"They overcame  him (satan..because he's the one trying to keep you weighed down with whatever the circumstances are so that you won't know the abundant life Jesus died to give you John 10:10)

by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus!)

and but the word of their testimony (talking about it)"

One Sunday, as I was struggling with the guilt of Justin having cerebral palsy, I couldn't have stayed in my pew during invitation if I wanted!  I raced down to meet with Bro Clint, and there he said, "I don't know why God would have chosen Justin to have cerebral palsy, but I hope I'm alive long enough to watch it."  Within a couple of weeks, I was invited by the Our Children's House of Baylor Dallas to come speak to families of children who were either just born premie or diagnosed with some type of disability.  Wow!  God was really showing off!  As I prepared with pictures, Justin's first little braces for his legs, and my notes, God began to show me as I remembered how it truly felt to hear those words from the doctor, that these people needed to hear from someone who truly understood.

See, when I was pregnant with the boys and the words of the doctors saying 'your babies will die inside of you' rang in my head continuously, people would walk up and say "God's got this" as their children ran around their legs.  I knew in my heart that God did, but something about their words didn't help.  I truly believe it was because they were empty, what you are supposed to say during a struggle, type of words.  BUT, when someone who has been there, done that, and can tell you how Jesus carried them through it talks, it's comforting, it's healing, it's peaceful.  

So, as the pain radiated down my arm, I could almost hear God saying 'Now is the time to write the book!"  Because I was in trouble... absolutely not!  Because He loves me and knows that this is what my heart desires!!  (way more about this in the book since I used to live scared God was going to punish me… praise Jesus for freedom from those thoughts!)

Did I listen…. nope!  I'm stubborn!  I'll fit it in sometime!  So I kept going with life!

Until this last few weeks when He made it abundantly clear!  As I lay on a physical therapy table, feeling completely worn out with keeping up with our family's schedule, P31 schedule, youth department schedule, and work schedule (all of which are amazing things to be a part of but have made it to where there is no time to write), she said "Trisha, you won't get past this without resting."  Although she was talking in the physical terms of my shoulder, God was speaking to my spirit about everything He's been patiently trying to help me with over the last several years.  

This was just confirmation of things I knew were coming but were hard to face.  I spoke with my P31 owner the next day telling her I'd need time off.  My shoulder is a mess, and I was making it worse.  Telling my ladies was very difficult, too, as I love, love our time together. Then, Sunday night, Jamie announced in the business meeting that we were retiring from the youth pastor position.  I wanted to run out before he said anything.  It was very hard, but I've learned that God gives us these 'very hard' situations so we can rely and trust Him more!  

Telling the teenagers themselves was the hardest, and as I did it last night, the story of Jesus birth was what God laid on my heart because the angel of the Lord said to both Mary & Joseph "Do not be afraid!" right before she told them what amazing things were going to take place.  Easy things, definitely not, but peaceful with God as the director!  We, the Grahams, don't have to be afraid and neither do the teenagers as we know God is working everything out for our good because we love Him.  (Romans 8:28).  

This morning, God just showed off even more!  The Sunday School lesson which I just opened says "Fear Not!"  He's THAT GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!

So excited to see what's next!  You just got a glimpse of the book to come because I am paying attention now… after all, the continual pain in my shoulder reminds me daily!  

Have you seen what we are up against?

 These words have repeated over and over in my head this whole week after hearing one of our boys in band say them last Sunday morning after the results of competition on Saturday wasn't what they wanted.  We continued to talk about the next competition and UIL coming up, but it was as if in his mind, there was absolutely NO WAY they could win anything because the bands they go against in district and area are so much better.  We hear the same thing from people about the football team.  When they ask, who is in your district and you answer, the result is 'ooooohhhh'.

Why?  I want the answer.

Is everybody in our district that much better than us in band, football, volleyball, etc.

Or do they just see things differently? Do they see the POSSIBLE instead of IMPOSSIBLE!

In life, there are many times I've been 'up against' some big obstacles.  

I can still see the doctor's office where I was laying on a table having a sonogram only to be told, 

"Mrs. Graham, you should start planning a funeral.  These babies will never make it."

I can still see St. Paul NICU where a neonatologist told us on a Friday that Justin would not make it to Monday without a heart surgery.

I can still see the Developmental Specialist face as she told me, 

"Mrs. Graham, Justin has cerebral palsy."

I can still see the Audiologist face as she told me,

"Mrs. Graham, Justin is deaf."

I can still see Justin's body shaking as he had a seizure.

I can see tears in Justin's eyes as he waits patiently to be able to go into a football game.

   

But those are not things I choose to focus on! 

Instead, I look at a message I got on Facebook last night that a lady that teaches at Wylie East noticed my boys with what looked like to her 'half of the football team' (little did she know that was the entire team :)).  It read 'They were all very well behaved and well mannered.  I don't remember the last time I saw that many kids unsupervised and act so well.  Very impressed.

Instead, I see Justin and his team and coaches up practicing even on their days off 

to get better at what they do.

Instead, I see Justin and his team and their smiles as they make eye contact and say

 'Thank you' for making them a meal before their game.  

Instead, I see Justin and Jordan getting a chance to warm up before every game on the sidelines and Justin standing to hi five every player as they run through the banner before lining up on the side lines for the national anthem.

I could list out so many amazing opportunities that God gives me to see Him BIG through all of life's obstacles.  With HIM, nothing is impossible!!

Do we see that?  

I think so many times in life, our outcomes are based on how we choose to see things.  Are we going to press ahead when things get hard and ask Him to help us or accept defeat?  Are we going to give our very best even if the obstacle looks huge knowing the outcome could go either way?

I think of David and Goliath a lot of times when I think about our Braves on Friday nights.   These other teams have SO many more players and sometimes they are SO much bigger, but I'll take our boys' huge hearts, their work ethic,  and their perseverance through every last second of every game against anyone in our district!

May we always FOCUS on the POSSIBLE in life!!

Watching them rest

As I walked down the hall to wake the boys up on Sunday morning, I stopped for a second and just watched them sleep.  I'm beginning to realize that this 'stopping for a second' is just filling my soul with so much!   In my world where things are always go go go, 

I'm learning that this stopping for a second is where God wants me to be!

I've always loved to watch my boys sleep since they were born.  It might be because when Justin & Jordan were born, they were sleeping for a long time and that's all I could do was watch them sleep.  Their little 2 and 3 pound bodies were fighting a fight just to stay alive so it was good that they rested.  

Then as they grew and Jet came along, 

I loved to watch them sleep because it was peaceful & quiet :)

After days of going to speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, doctor's appointments, playing outside, cooking, cleaning, playing hide and seek, refereeing arguments, cleaning some more, jumping on the trampoline, riding bikes, breaking up wrestling matches, getting boys down from off the dining room table or screwing the top back on the dining room table after they had gotten under it and taken EVERY screw out, cleaning up the Tide out of the dryer, reading books, cleaning the giant baby powder that was so much fun to dump out, placing bandaids on booboos, rushing to the ER for stitches,  rushing to the ER to make sure Jet didn't have an implant battery in his stomach, finding money in Justin's stomach when doing X-rays for pneumonia, doing breathing treatments for Jordan, and 

well, I could probably fill up the blog, but you get the point….

when they were sleeping, it was GOOD!  It was good for them & good for Mama & Daddy!  

Rest helped them and us be prepared and ready for the next day!  They knew that they could lay their heads on their pillows (usually all in the same bed), 

and we would be there for them... for a new day, a new adventure!

As I was standing there watching them Sunday 

(of course after I took their pictures because I'm a visual learner 

so I love to put pictures with my writings),  this verse came to my mind.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

I think God probably likes to watch us rest….

not necessarily sleeping,

 but resting in His presence, 

trusting that He will protect us, 

that He will always provide for our every needs, 

and He will ALWAYS be there for us because He will never leave or forsake us.  

There is a lot of activity in our minds much like all the physical activity that takes place raising boys. Sometimes just as Justin & Jordan's little bodies were fighting to stay alive, 

we feel like we are fighting to stay alive in all the struggles… 

finances, medical diagnosis, repairing relationships, 

death of loved ones, (you fill in the blank for your life)…

How are we supposed to rest during all these things?

I'm glad you asked…

Back to Truth… 

"COME TO ME" Jesus said...

  

May we go to Jesus with that weariness and give Him ALL our burdens, so we

can experience this incredible rest that only comes from 

TRUSTING HIM!

I used to think this was a one time event…it's not for me…

it's a daily, hourly, minute by minute thing…

Go to Jesus!… He will give you rest!

Who's holding you up?

Waking Justin up this morning, it was hard watching his body in so much pain.   As I helped him to sit up, he stretched his legs out off the bed to stand….only to kneel down on the floor.  

This isn't anything new to me, but this morning, it caused me to stop….

to be still…

Then it was time to wake Jordan up…then Jet… and on to the normal morning routine.

After getting everyone's lunches made, breakfast made, and out the door, I sat down to my devotional.  "Find fulfillment through living close to Me, yielding to My purposes for You."  -Jesus Calling

Nothing in my life has ever caused me to live closer to Jesus 

than having a baby boy diagnosed with cerebral palsy.  

Thinking over time that it would get easier, it hasn't.  

There are days I still cry but it's different.  I know God understands and some days, 

tears into his loving hands is what this Mama needs to do.

As I continued to read, 

Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (How cool is it that I was blessed to be used by God to be a place to knit Justin together) "I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful.  I know that full well."

THEN CAME WHAT HOLDS ME UP…

Philippians 3:20-21

But our citizenship is in heaven, And we EAGERLY await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the POWER that enables him to bring everything under HIS CONTROL, 

WILL TRANSFORM our lowly bodies so that THEY WILL BE LIKE HIS GLORIOUS BODY!

One of these days, either at Jesus returning or when mine and Justin's time on earth is through, 

I will forever and ever and ever get to watch Justin in a glorious body… no pain…ever again!

Although sometimes it's not easier on my emotions than when the diagnosis first came, 

my spirit KNOWS the purpose of why Justin has cerebral palsy is bigger than I can imagine.  

I've watched a teenager accept Christ as his Savior after 

Justin bumped him with his walker when he was younger and said "Are you saved?"  

I've watched other kids that are used to being around 

Justin reach out to other kids who are 'different' and make them feel accepted. 

I've also watched as each and every Friday night, 

a team full of Braves and Brave coaches 

help hold Justin up both physically and emotionally 

until the day comes when he receives a glorious body!  

 

Sometimes people will say to me "if I could just see God, I could believe".

I see God every time I look at Justin and he knows 

"he is God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for him to do" 

so he gets up another day to walk in pain because

The One who is ultimately holding Him up is AMAZING 

and He is faithful and He is working everything out for Justin's good!

So if this pain causes others to KNOW JESUS,

which therefore gives them eternity to watch Justin run, too,

then it's all worth it!

Let Jesus be who holds you up today!

Want to play hide & seek?

When the boys were younger, we used to play hide and seek all of the time.

I'm not sure Justin & Jordan loved playing hide and seek as much as they loved putting Jet in places they knew I'd probably never look :)

Have you ever felt like you were playing hide and seek with God?  Sometimes, in those moments of struggle or loneliness, we can wonder 'where are you God?'

I have!  

-when I was 14 weeks pregnant with Justin & Jordan and the doctor told me they were going to die inside of me…that I'd never have them..plan their funeral

-when the words cerebral palsy came out of a doctor's mouth while I was holding my precious 14 month old Justin

-when the words severe to profoundly deaf came of out the doctor's mouth while I was hold my precious 17 month of Justin

-when I lost my three grandparents in 18months all while the above diagnosis were determined

-when I was holding Jordan at 2 years old in Children's hospital and he couldn't breathe 

-when Jamie and I struggled so bad in our marriage that we were separated when the boys turned 1

-when I was a little girl and my parents got divorced

-when (fill in the blank with your life)

We've all been there!  But friends, let me tell you!  Praise the LORD, He NEVER plays hides from us.  He is ALWAYS there….never leaves us or forsakes us!!

It is us!  It is ME!  I stopped seeking HIM!  

Oh, I went to church.  I talked about Him.  I had all the cute decorations about Him and wore the Christian t-shirts, too, but I wasn't seeking Him. 

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, " declares the LORD, " and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:13-14

I don't know if I even knew what seeking God meant for years.  I thought it meant going to church and doing the churchy things, but I was still empty especially during the hard times.  

One day, while crying out to God, I realized I was seeking everything else but Him.  I had my dream husband, kids, home, car, staying at home raising my boys…everything I thought I ever wanted.  But I never spent time truly seeking God…being still in His presence and knowing His love for me.  

I realize now that spending time in His Word, speaking to Him all the time, and being quiet and listening, that you find Him EVERYWHERE!  

I hear Him in the birds that chirp every morning.  

I hear Him in the giggles of my boys… even as teenagers:)  

I feel Him in the breeze that blows in my face.  

I touch Him each time I kiss my boys and hubby goodnight.  

And I even feel Him each and every morning I wake Justin up, and He gives him the strength to stand on his legs…to walk another day…to hear another day… to smile another day knowing HE IS GOOD!  And He has plans to prosper us, not the harm us, to give us hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Play hide and go seek with God… you will ALWAYS find Him…

sometimes it's just not where you thought :)

Can Jordan please have another chance?

That's what I was thinking last Friday night immediately after the last buzzer sounded, but wow! am I so blessed today to know what came of that moment!

Coming back out on the field after half time, the boys were down quite a bit.  That certainly did not stop them from giving their all second half.

They fought and fought and came back to within 8 points.  We are marching down the field, and everything was happening super fast!  Pass! Run!  Pass!  Time out!  I'm not sure the exact details but you can ask Jamie when  you see him because I'm sure he's watched Hudl quite a few times :)  We are down really close to scoring and being able to tie this ballgame against none other than Farmersville!!  Everyone and I mean everyone is on their feet!  There are 8 seconds left on the clock!  The crowd is cheering!  We all see the 4th down across the field and know it's our last chance at getting into the end zone.  Then it happens… Jordan purposely downs the ball.

Everything got super super silent and heads dropped in disgust and disappointment.  I wished with all my heart I could fly out and scoop up Jordan out of that moment.  I took a second to just pray for him, gathered my stuff, sang the school song, and started towards the fence to meet him coming off the field.  

While walking down, my brother said, "Did you see that?  The scoreboard had 3rd down on it!  I can't believe that!"  That was followed by me feeling the need to say that to a few people out of not knowing what to say/think in that moment as all eyes were on MY SON!  

Surely that was the excuse of why he did that.  

Surely there was a reason this happened.  

Boy, was there ever a reason.  

This Mama has learned so much from Jordan Bailey Graham…God's SON that He has loaned me while here on earth.  Yes, he calls me Mama.  Yes, he is my son.  But God has bigger plans than that moment, and I'm blessed to know He gave me the opportunity to learn from it.

See, when we got home, Jordan said when we were all talking about it.  "I didn't even look at the scoreboard."  (Real honest moment here…) I thought for a second "Jordan, that's your out.  That's your easy reason for the mistake you made. Roll with it!"  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit intervened in my thoughts before it came out of my mouth.  God reminded me "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

As game day has rolled around this week, I was reminded to text Coach O'Neal thank you because I saw him grab Jordan right after the hand shake with Farmersville.  Coach O'Neal has been Jordan's head coach for 4 years now, and he knows Jordan. He knows that he felt responsible for the loss.  I don't know exactly what was said, and I don't need to know.  I know he was encouraged and positive was poured into him at that moment.  What I didn't know was this… Jordan said "Coach, I wasn't looking at the scoreboard." 

Tears ran down my cheeks this morning as I read Coach O'Neal's text back to me.  He told me what Jordan had said followed with 'How many kids would turn down an out or an excuse in that situation?'  

To my knees I went thanking the Lord for my #10 who during this week, God has taught me more than I could imagine through him!  How many times do I try to make excuses for not doing something right?  How many times do I take the out?   

I see that Jordan could have thrown a pass and 2 point conversion and won the game earthly speaking.  Everyone would have loved him!  He would have been a hero!  

Instead, I see how God allowed Jordan the choice to make that mistake.  Whether or not we would have won the game without that mistake, we will never know.  But eternally speaking, Jordan won that game of life.  Because Jordan is amazing… well yes, Mama thinks so…but no, because Jesus is amazing in Jordan!

Happy Friday Night Lights Everyone!

   

Who in the world is calling the plays?

I wrote this after playing Anna in 2013 but after reading it this morning, it was so cool how it went along with my blog I wrote this morning on weeds!  Hope you enjoy!

I'm guilty!

I did what I never wanted to do.  I questioned the play calling!!!  I can't stand it when I hear it done, and then there I fell into it!!! 

And then it came.... object lesson after object lesson that God taught me all weekend and today.

We like to question things.   We question God.  We question decisions we ourselves are making along with decisions that everyone around us is making.  We sometimes think we know a better way that will provide a better outcome.  

In football,  the coaches are positioned on the field and in the press box.  The one in the press box is calling the plays because he has a better view of the field since he is much higher up.   The other coaches are on the sidelines communicating with the ones in the press box throughout the whole game. All of the coaches all week long have watched film over the rival of the week and know a lot about what they are going to run both offensively and defensively.  They watch film with the boys and then decide and practice plays they will run that week against that team.  

Those of us that are not in that process have no idea about the opponent until we sit down and watch on Friday evening (unless you are a dad that really scouts out the other team or happen to remember from years before).    The game starts and everyone is excited, but then something happens when things aren't looking too promising.  A big drop in mood and energy happens with much of the stands and words start flying that don't help anyone involved.  All of a sudden, coaches are being bashed, kids are being spoken about negatively, and lots of people have a much better way of doing it.  

BUT WAIT!!

We complete another pass, and we are ahead again!  All is good again!!  Oops!  We fumbled and the other team has it!  

I've really realized this isn't even just high school football.  Bless Tony Romo's Mom's heart.  She must be one strong Mama to endure what people say about her son.  Except this week, it was what a wonderful job he did! 

WHY?  WHY do we do this?  

We know nothing about a person's heart from the stands in a football game.  

We know nothing about what they are going through on a particular day.  

Thank the Lord above that HE is the PERFECT play caller for our lives!   He knows our enemy, the devil,  better than anyone  else and tries to tell us minute by minute how to avoid getting tackled by his schemes.   He knows that satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came to give us LIFE and life to the FULL!!  (John 10:10)  

Thing is... we cannot live life questioning His play calling for ourselves and definitely not for others.  He may be directing them or us in a way to avoid a nasty injury.  He sees a much bigger picture than a football field.  He knows perfectly our past,  our present and our future.    

Trust Him Today!

Go pick the weed!

It's kind of funny the things that God teaches me and the means He uses to teach me, and it's also cool that He gives me the confidence to post things like this horrible picture of my very own flower bed in hopes that someone else can see Him in their every day life!

I could make up a story about how I shipped in some new exotic shrub from Africa, but it would be obvious that I was lying.  This is a straight running weed, and it's obviously that I neglected to take care of it for quite some time.  So much that it has overtaken a white crepe myrtle shrub that you can no longer see any parts of it.  

Man, does this explain what I do so many times.  

See, for weeks, and I mean weeks, I would say, "I need to go out and take care of those weeds in my flower beds."  Each time we'd leave to go somewhere, I'd see them, and it would bother me.  So I would have it my head to take care of as soon as we got back.  It grew and grew so big that it literally took over the crepe myrtle.  If I would have just taken a few minutes to go out when it first came to my head, it would have been an easy pull the weed, and it's done.  But instead, I stalled out on doing what I knew needed to be done.  By the time I finally took care of it, I had to borrow Papa's shrub trimmers to actually cut it down because the root of it was so huge.

So as in life!  We have things we know we need to take care of in life, but they are just not fun instructions!  No one likes to pick weeds!  No one likes to deal with hard things in life, but if we are not careful, the roots that grow up over time are HUGE.  Not only that, it takes over and consumes us so that we can not even see the beautiful flowers of our lives.  

Isaiah 30:20-21 says Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "This is the way: walk in it."  

As God's child, the Holy Spirit directs me daily.  Whether it be

Stop for a few seconds and pray for …

Stop for a few seconds and spend time with your son...

Stop for a few seconds and go see your Mom…

Stop for a few seconds and BE STILL…

Stop for a few seconds and …..

It happens all day every day.  He's trying to help direct me in the way I should go.  Some things not so fun to deal with and others easy to deal with but leave our to do lists continuing to grow which can stress us out.   I've done a bad job of listening in the past.  So much that I lived with regret all the time.  He doesn't just go away if you don't listen and PRAISE GOD for that!  I'm so glad that He is persistent, gentle and patient in His dealing with me.  I'm a work in progress….that is for sure!  He loves me too much to leave me where I am so He talks to me, directs me and loves on me the entire time!    In the past,  I have ignored His leading (much like I ignored the weed) and it resulted in being frustrated when it came back up that I didn't take care of it the first time.  But KNOWING Romans 8:1 says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus", I dropped the guilty feeling, pity party and took care of business.

I have dreams of becoming a speaker/author all for the glory of God.  This morning I realized that while having those dreams are great and believe He has put those dreams in my heart, I, in the mean time need to be obedient in the daily 'turn to your right or to the left' and walk in His ways daily.

There are people every single day that need our smile, need our love, and need to know Jesus is real! He is so so loving!  He is so so faithful, and when things look dim, He can still be trusted.  He is good…always, and we live in a world that needs to know that today!  

Praying for obedience in all the little but actually huge ways He directs today! 

Who Are They Anyways?

After the arrival of Justin & Jordan at 26 weeks, coming home on heart monitors, and then the 'normal' thing…whatever that means… with twins, Jamie and I knew there would be some time involved before deciding when and if we were going to have another child.  I think we always wanted another one or maybe it was the fact that we wanted to have a baby and hold him or her right away like you dream of doing.

Regardless, I remember people telling me that 'they' say it is probably best if I don't have any more children since I already had a child with not one but two disabilities.  

Funny, because Jamie and I never listened to the 'theys' when 'we were too young to get married', 'you'll end up in divorce because both of your parents are divorced', 'you'll end up in divorce because firefighters have a 200% (however that is possible) of divorce'!!  

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE NEVER LISTENED?

We believe God when he says "For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be subject again to slavery.  Galatians 5:1

When I look up slavery and see words like bondage, power over, control,  it reminds me of lots of situations people find themselves in because of the 'theys'.  

A simple illustration happened this weekend going to a painting party.  We sat down to a blank canvas (except for a penciled in heart).  We all were doing the same design except we could choose our own colors.  We were all given plates with primary colors on them.  Many ladies discussed wanting different colors so that it would match their houses just like I was thinking. Sadly, many never tried to do it and copied exactly what the lady showed us verses doing what was in their heart.  You want to know why… because it wouldn't look like 'they' think or said it should.  But here's the deal… they were each supposed to be our own masterpieces that were a reflection of us!

Think about it… Our lives are like blank canvases!  The heart sketched in on each of us is because God chose us!  He loved us so much that He sent His One and only Son to die on the cross for us!  It's up to us whether we accept that love and let Him fill our lives and make them a masterpiece.

See some didn't come even try because they were afraid they'd mess us the painting, and some were there, but were too concerned about making sure it was perfectly like everyone else's.    But who says it's messed up or what it's supposed to look like?  The they's?

Who are they anyways?

They are the people around us that we try to please, we try to be liked by, the people that we sit at ballgames with, and all the other people that surround us.  We let them control choices we make and sometimes they aren't the choices we want to make.  They have this power over us as though they are our authority.  A wedding dress that I like may be completely different than the wedding dress someone else picks out which is PERFECTLY FINE!  If we were all the same, what a boring place this would be.   We are all masterpieces in God's eyes…fearfully and wonderfully made IN HIS IMAGE.

Or the 'theys' can be the people who write these studies like the one I read this morning that says that identical twins cannot have the same fingerprints.  Their studies show 'that when identical twins are conceived, they start out with the same fingerprints, but during weeks 6-13, they each touch the amniotic sac that forms ridges that result in different fingerprints'.  Well, first off, I'm not sure how 'they' are able to know such intricate details, and secondly, Justin and Jordan could not use the library check out procedures at school because their fingerprints were exactly the same.

I tell you all of that because of this 'THEY DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU OR WHAT IS RIGHT', BUT GOD SURE DOES!!!

Pick up the paintbrush of your life, listen ONLY to THE ONE who knows every single little detail about you and is working it together for YOUR GOOD and watch an amazing masterpiece unfold!!

Who Does He Say We Are?
-Child of God... John 1:12
-Friend of Jesus…John 15:15
-Justified & Redeemed… Romans 3:24
-Not Condemned… Romans 8:1
-Fellow Heir with Christ… Romans 8:17
-Accepted By Christ… Romans 15:7
-Saint…1 Corinthians 1:2
-Temple of the Holy Spirit… 1 Corinthians 6:19
-Chosen, Holy & Blameless…Ephesians 1:4

WOW!!  Chill bumps reading through those Truths!  Let's start making choices based on His love for us and our love for Him not needing anyone else's approval!

NOW THAT IS FREEDOM!! 

"For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be subject again to slavery. "
Galatians 5:1

So THANKFUL we didn't listen to them…

Our life would not be the same without our Jet!!

Is your charger broken?

I've often wondered about this whole independence thing?

We are often taught in this world that we need to rely only on ourselves and no one else…everyone else will always let us down, hurt us, or leave us.

I wonder, though, if that is what is confusing to some when it comes to their relationship with the Lord.

After all, isn't it BEST if we rely on Him to guide us, direct us, love on us?
Isn't our ETERNITY based on relying upon Jesus since "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6

What I witnessed a couple of weeks ago couldn't explain it any better!!

For months, Jordan's phone hasn't charged easily in addition to it being so very cracked!  I'd hear him connect, it not connect, connect, it not connect and make all kinds of vibrating noises back and forth, back and forth.  He would wedge it between a chair and the baseboards trying his best to make it charge. Occasionally, I'd hear him grunt, get frustrated, complain, but many, many times he would not say anything rather battle it quietly to himself for almost 20 minutes  before he'd get it sitting just right to charge overnight.

A couple of weeks ago, he finally gave up because it would not connect at all.  He asked Jamie if he could see what we could do.   Jamie took an old 3G to AT&T to get it activated with Jordan's number so that he could have a phone until upgrade time.

What happened next is HILARIOUS!!!  Jamie comes home from going to AT&T, exchanging the phones with Jordan at the baseball game, and he takes a paperclip, yes a simple little paperclip and cleans out the area where the charger goes into the phone.  Guess what?  The charger goes right in!!

How many months of struggle could have been lessened by simply asking Daddy for help?

Don't we do this though?  Life doesn't 'connect' easily.  We grunt, complain, force it, and many, many times quietly battle within our own thoughts until we finally can't do it anymore, give up, and ask for help.  All the while God, our Heavenly Daddy, is waiting patiently for us to turn to Him!  He won't force us, but He is always there waiting because He will NEVER leave or forsake us.  (Joshua 1:5)

What happens when we turn to Jesus?
Just as Jamie cleaned lots of lint out of Jordan's charger,  He will remove things or situations from our lives so that we can better connect with Him (the ultimate charger!)  He doesn't 'fix' everything to the way we would want it (like Jordan's phone is still very cracked), but He does work it all together for our good.  See one day, Jordan will get to finally upgrade his phone to a brand new, no cracks, works smoothly and charges perfectly phone!  In the same way, one day, those of us who have put our trust in Christ get to upgrade to a heavenly body where there will be no more death, sorrow, crying or pain (Rev 21:4).   In the mean time, when we depend solely on God for our strength,  our security, our future, He fills us more than we could ever imagine or ask!  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (right with God), for they will be filled (satisfied)!  (Matthew 5:6)  How are we right with God?  JESUS… depending solely on JESUS!!!

Are you tired?  Is your burden heavy?  Most of us can answer yes to this or have at one time…
take some time today to talk to your Heavenly Daddy about it!  He loves helping you!!

Trying my best to look the right way...

The struggles are real with Baby A & Baby B…

Getting to bring Jordan home from the hospital was so exciting.  After all, we weren't ever supposed to even have the boys, and after 2 1/2 months, we FINALLY got to bring one home.

Why, then, did I cry all they way home?

My spirit was so confused.  Total JOY at seeing Jordan in the carseat, getting to walk into our home with him, and sleep in his own bed (even if it was only 2 hours at a time :)…)  But then there was such struggle with knowing Justin was still at the hospital.  We did put Jordan in the carseat, drive home, walk through the door of our home with him, and then we turned around and drove right back to the hospital.  We spent every minute they'd let us with Justin and Jordan together, and although we did come home to sleep, we were back at the hospital first thing the next morning.  Praise Jesus, two weeks later, we did bring BOTH boys home!

These are struggles that didn't stop there, and I've battled and battled at how to handle them each and every time.  See,  Jordan did everything first…and usually fairly easy and early!  

Whether it was walking, talking, throwing a football, reading, everything and anything, 

he did it and did it well!

Even at an early age, he came to know Jesus as Lord and Savior at an Upward basketball practice.  No doubt, he understood and was confident in the decision he was making!

Each summer in Red River, we walk up a mountain…literally a big mountain!  It's probably one of the hardest things I face each year because the group of kids take off…everyone except Justin because his legs are just too weak.  This past year as we got started, I could not stop crying wishing Justin was with us.  Jordan came back to me because he knew what was going on, and said, "Watch Mama!"  He literally RAN up the mountain without stopping to where I couldn't even see him any longer.  It's hard to explain just how much strength that takes until you've actually done it.  It didn't stop there…he came back and piggy backed several of the little girls up the final and hardest part.  Then he came and insisted on piggy backing me, and I'm not one of the young, light children that he started with!

Having one son that is SO physically strong and 

one that is SO physically fragile 

is SO confusing on your heart and soul!  

This year, Jordan has even begun to struggle because of being 'able', and he knows Justin would LOVE to be out there with him on the field.  Just Thursday night, we had a long conversation because baseball season was starting and Justin says "I just wish I could play more!"  That's hard enough on a 38 year old Mama much less a 18 year old twin brother!

BUT THEN….

In only God's perfect timing, I read my devo tonight that says…. 

Look the right way! 

In the world around you, there are vistas of bright beauty as well as dark, ugly wastelands.  When you look the right way- toward what is true, noble, lovely- you are encouraged and strenghtened. 

That verse follows up with 'If there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things'!

This, my friends and fellow struggles, is my picture of true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report….

PRAISEWORTHY!!!

Why? 

Because it's a perfect picture of what Christ does for me each and every day!

I AM WEAK!

But His word said "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness!"

I could stay focused on the why's of life or I can choose to 

'Look the right way!'

I'm trying my best to look the right way!!  

After all..

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world" John 16:33

Homecoming, Healing, and My Heart

Warning:  Struggles from a Mom of a child diagnosed with cerebral palsy ahead!

For a while now, I've battled with 

do I continue to pray for God to heal Justin's cerebral palsy…

is that selfish…

does that mean I truly am not content and want him 'fixed'…

Isn't he fearfully and wonderfully made like everyone else?...

I mean, he is 'healed' in the fact that he's accepted Jesus as his Savior 

and will be going to heaven with a whole new body one day…

I've been reminded several times...physical is temporary but spiritual is eternal...

but I can't help but think maybe there is more to all of this?

  

There are no medical cures for cerebral palsy, there is no medicine to fix it, and 

there is nothing you can really do to made it better.

BUT….MY GOD IS ABLE TO HEAL CEREBRAL PALSY.

Homecoming '13 was definitely a day that I remember for many reasons, but just like when the boys were born, my spirit and emotions were colliding and I struggled with staying focused.  Jordan was being interviewed to be on TV as the Quarterback of his team, he was nominated and named Junior Prince, and I was so excited for these great opportunities for him (although they made him extremely nervous because he does not like to speak in front of people or get any attention for that matter, it helped him to rely on the Lord for words since thousands of people were watching)

On the other hand, I think about Justin, and how all he wants to do is play football with his brother, run sprints with the rest of the boys, and jump high (these are his prayers…legs stronger, run faster, and jump higher).   Well, that evening, as halftime was wrapping up and I was walking with Jordan off the sidelines, Coach Raiden stops me and says "You might want to get your camera ready!"  I knew EXACTLY what that meant and I sprinted to the stands to grab my camera, handed Jamie's phone to Randall to video, and called Rae Norton to get pictures from the field.  JUSTIN IS GOING IN!!!!

I think Jordan might have been more nervous than Justin to make sure he got the throw exactly to his brother!!  You can see Jordan does great, Justin catches it with those big ole hands, and with the help of a block from Connor Wiser, Justin runs and gains 6-7 yards!  The crowd roars, tears of joy fall, and Clay Barkley pauses, and then I finally get to hear both boys names announced together!!  That is something I never dreamed was going to get to happen when I heard the words cerebral palsy first come out of the doctor's mouth.  Watching the coaches and other players high five and hug both Justin and Jordan after the play made my heart smile big!  Jordan has lots of memories from that day, but I'm almost certain that will be the highlight of all memories from Homecoming '13.  

I've started to post this video several times and believe me, I've shown lots of people!

But there was always something that just wasn't right about timing!!  

On the way home from skiing, I read a devo in Jesus Today, and chills ran up and down my body.  I didn't say anything at first as I was taking it all in, and I couldn't help but think "Justin…this is about Justin!"  I don't know exactly what that means and I'm okay with not knowing because I know without a doubt God knows!!  I do know it was my answer to all the questions I mentioned above...

Here's what it said (and I have no doubt this applies to lots of people in all different circumstances)

I will restore you to health and heal your wounds.

I am with you, within you, all around you- continually at work in your life.  When your awareness of Me grows dim, My Presence continues to shine brightly upon you.  This Light has immense healing Power.  So dare to ask great things of Me, remembering who I Am. I am able to do exceedingly abundantly above all you ask or think.  Pondering My limitless ability to help you will strengthen your faith and encourage you to pray boldly.

Praying in My Name- with perseverance- can accomplish great things.  Learn from the parable of the persistent widow, who refused to give up.  She kept bringing her petition to a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men.  Eventually her persistence wore him down, and he gave her what she sought.  How much more will I respond to My children who cry out to Me day and night!  Though you may have to wait a long time, do not give up.  For everyone who asks and keeps on asking receives; he who seeks and keeps seeking finds.

All promises straight from Jeremiah 30:17, Ephesians 3:20, Luke 18, Luke 11:10

So, this Mama is going to be persistent, daring to ask great things, knowing 

God IS able to do exceedingly abundantly….

did you get that EXCEEDINGLY, ABUNDANTLY ABOVE 

all I can think or ask because God's power is at work and

 I will ASK and RECEIVE, 

I will SEEK and FIND, and 

KNOCK and watch as God, Himself,  as Only He Can, will OPEN THE DOOR!! 

Believing in BIG things because My God is BIG... not having any reservations realizing that it may not look like what I think but KNOWING it will be much more than I can think because as always, He's working ALL things together for our good because we love Him!  Yet another promise in Romans 8:28 and God never breaks His promises!

Amen!  Dream Big Friends!!  All For His Glory!!