But then, I went there....that deep dark area that we like to stay away from most of the time.
I questioned why I cannot loose weight and be skinny! I've done it all...the cabbage diet (I know some of you remember that horrible soup!), the pills, the 20 fat gram a day diet (didn't matter how many snackwells you had...they were fat free, right!), radical diets, more pills, and even starved myself as a teenager. In the last few years, I've worked out harder than on Coach Springer's basketball court, and to those who remember that, it was no joke! I've trained and ran a half marathon- thanks to my sister purchasing the ticket which gave me no choice but to do it! I even signed up to be a trainer with a great fitness company because I was going to be skinny!!
Skinny, skinny, skinny....that's the word that kept going through my head this morning! It destroys a lot of young girls and even boys as well as ladies & men, and I'm afraid it was destroying me!
But then God showed me something new this morning that might just change everything for me! It was not easy to 'hear' as with most conviction, but it is a beautiful thing as with most conviction because it only leads to a more peaceful, joy filled life!
Perhaps, since God is WAY more concerned with spiritual than physical, I came to this spot after trying for years and years myself- working harder and harder- to realize I was doing it all for me...being selfish because I want to hear people say 'wow! look how great you look!' or 'wow! you've lost a lot of weight!'I mean, am I THAT insecure that I need people's confirmation even though I read these promises and even taught many, many girls them....
Ephesians 2:10 I am God's masterpiece
Psalm 139:13-14 I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I would have to answer that question with ....yes, I am!
Insecurity is a tricky,ugly, deceiving thing... it makes you do things you wouldn't normally do just to get approval from people you don't need approval from.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
Not only have I tried so hard physically to loose a ton of weight (which I did not or did and it came back), I also used to be so super involved in whatever ministry/volunteering I could to be the super Christian. It hasn't been until this last year of 'release' that I've realized the words of the first song that shuffled on this morning..
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus!
As I laid down to stretch after walking and talking with the Lord about all of this, He gave me three things...1. He wants to spend time with me and talk with me. I haven't been still or quiet long enough to listen in the past. Sometimes still and quiet is uncomfortable because we aren't used to it, but it's where we find out strength.
Psalm 46:10-11 "Be still & know I am God... The LORD Almighty is with us" Talk about SECURITY... God with us ALWAYS!!!
2. He does want me to move...both physically & spiritually! Does that mean I have to drag and flip tires? I absolutely can, but it means, I can also take a beautiful walk enjoying His creation. Why do I believe this... well, God created our bodies and knows whats best. If we listen to our bodies, we can know. If I don't move, I feel icky....I am tired, have a sore back from weak muscles, and don't want to do anything more than what I have to do. When I do some kind of movement, I have more energy, feel stronger, and overall have a better attitude. We are not meant to just get saved and wait for eternity. He says to
'Go into all the world and teach the gospel' Mark 16:15.
When I am moving, I feel more alert to His promptings of these appointments. (I know very clearly about people who are unable to move like others since I have a son with cerebral palsy. Do what YOU can do! He does, and he has some might big arm muscles and super big heart :)
3. He does want me to put pure things not only into my mouth but in my ears/mind/heart as well. He made me, and He made the proper fuel for my body & mind. When I eat/drink things closer to the way He made them, I am a different person. This has been a transition that took time. Do I still have some desserts? Yes, sometimes, but the pieces are much smaller and usually I don't feel good afterwards so I tend to not want them as often. Likewise, I try to only listen to Truth. But there are times that either my own brain goes south or I'm hearing/speaking things I shouldn't. Again, I leave not feeling good afterwards so I try to stay clear of the lies the enemy wants me to believe so that I will be defeated.
This topic has been something that has consumed a lot of my life and quite honestly left me feeling defeated. I'm sure many will identify with me!
Where to go from here..."Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
My harvest looks different in my eyes this morning!
Would I still like to loose some weight? Yes! My reasons just became bigger than me today!
