Out of the mouth of babes...

Jet and I have always had some conversations that made me ask Bro Clint years ago if the Holy Spirit could speak to you through your children.

One thing I've realized over the years though was that it was very necessary to humble myself to acknowledge what he was saying was true.

One of the first things I can remember was when Jet was about three years old.  I was incredibly addicted to soap operas and had been convicted about it for YEARS.... yes, I admitted it and kept being stubborn.  I was the girl who was an emotional wreck from Friday until I could see what happened on Monday.  It was ridiculous and I wasted SO SO much time on those stupid things!

Jet and I were at home by ourselves when he ran around the corner from the hallway and said "Mama, why are you watching those bad shows."  I'm being completely serious!

How.In.The.World did he know the difference between a commercial, a movie, soap opera, etc!

That was the very last day I ever watched a soap opera!  AND boy, am  I so thankful that Holy Spirit lead Jet to saying those exact words!

This morning was no different....

I'm driving to school although he normally does, and about half way down our street, Jet says (in the exact same tone and voice as I normally do) "You're speeding."  

My humanness wanted to be like "Really!  I'm only going over by like 3!  Don't you dare young man!"  But thank the Lord, He gives us the Holy Spirit to help us when we are weak!!  I paused for a split second to let Him direct, and I simply put my foot on the break and said "you are right Jet".

Next was what blew my mind.... as always when I'm obedient instead of stubborn.

Jet told me about a picture he saw on a friends instagram that said 'real friends talk good about you behind your back and bad to your face.' He said "I'm don't mean like bad, but you know."  

I told him I knew exactly what he meant and I hoped I always had people who loved me enough to point out when I am doing wrong even though it may 'feel bad' at the time.  

I came home to read Proverbs 9 since it's the 9th (If you are trying to figure out where to start reading in your Bible, pick the day of the month and read the Proverbs.  I have on and off for years, and it is amazing!)

I can't make this timing up :)

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.  Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.  Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning."  Proverbs 9:7-9

Are you a mocker or a wise person? 

You can always tell by the way you respond to criticism.  

Choose today to be wise- but remember- when that test comes- and it certainly will- to let the Holy Spirit guide you!  There is SO much freedom with Him as our Guide!

Critical Spirit OR Discernment

Wrestling is something I have never really gotten into or enjoyed watching (except when I was a teenager and watched the Von Erich's all the time).

Over the past year, the wrestling that has gone on in my heart has definitely not been something I'm a fan of experiencing.  Honestly, it's gone on WAY too long mainly because I'm a tad bit stubborn, insecure, and after all, I can fix it right!

I'm a fix it kind of girl.

If something is broke, I'll take it completely apart trying to figure out how to make it run right again. Just like our dryer a few years ago, we had it in so many pieces, I didn't think it would ever run again. But we cleaned out all that wasn't supposed to be in it, put it back together, and bam!  it works better than it ever has before.

If a relationship is broken, I want both parties to sit down, talk about it, and find a solution to where everyone can be happy and peace restored.

If I'm battling with sin, I want to just pray more, read my Bible more, go to church, and then it will all be fixed, right?   That's a big negative!  And here is why....

1.  Knowing all the rules is not the answer.  AND
2.  Self-determination will not help you succeed.


I cannot fix my own heart...

Romans 7:15  I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 

I definitely cannot fix other's heart.
I love these scenes off Bruce Almighty and how it gives us a better picture...



My wrestling in sin has to do with my reaction to how people act, things they do, and things they say. I get mad when people are so stinking selfish, and their selfishness hurts others.  I hate when people are so controlling and never stop to think about how it effects other people.  It makes me crazy when there is conflict between people and resolution cannot be found.  

I've justified my thoughts, words, and actions because I think these things make God mad as well.  I've sat and asked my mentors how you know the difference between a critical spirit and discernment...really just trying to justify my actions again.  But after praying for God to help me, show me, and teach me how to move past this wrestling, here is what He showed me this morning...

I need to stop trying to do HIS job!  

Yes, He hates selfishness... It's completely opposite of being led by the Holy Spirit.
Yes, He hates when we are controlling... because we ultimately end up hurting ourselves and others.
Yes, He hates conflicts among His children..

But what should be my response instead of talking to others about it thus leaving frustrated that I did what I didn't want to do again...

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Go to Jesus...Tell Him ALL about it.. But then...
Let Jesus handle it... He will do a much better job at it anyway!

Critical spirit results in it being about me and me trying to fix the situation....
Discernment results in praying and letting God be God!   After all, He is ALWAYS GOOD!

Am I that insecure?

As I set foot to the track this morning, it was a beautiful morning with the sky bluer than I've ever seen it.  It was a cool crisp morning that required a hoodie which always makes for a better morning:)
But then, I went there....that deep dark area that we like to stay away from most of the time.

I questioned why I cannot loose weight and be skinny!  I've done it all...the cabbage diet (I know some of you remember that horrible soup!), the pills, the 20 fat gram a day diet (didn't matter how many snackwells you had...they were fat free, right!), radical diets, more pills, and even starved myself as a teenager.  In the last few years, I've worked out harder than on Coach Springer's basketball court, and to those who remember that, it was no joke!  I've trained and ran a half marathon- thanks to my sister purchasing the ticket which gave me no choice but to do it!  I even signed up to be a trainer with a great fitness company because I was going to be skinny!!  

Skinny, skinny, skinny....that's the word that kept going through my head this morning!  It destroys a lot of young girls and even boys as well as ladies & men, and I'm afraid it was destroying me!

But then God showed me something new this morning that might just change everything for me!  It was not easy to 'hear' as with most conviction, but it is a beautiful thing as with most conviction because it only leads to a more peaceful, joy filled life!

Perhaps, since God is WAY more concerned with spiritual than physical, I came to this spot after trying for years and years myself- working harder and harder- to realize I was doing it all for me...being selfish because I want to hear people say 'wow! look how great you look!' or 'wow! you've lost a lot of weight!'

I mean, am I THAT insecure that I need people's confirmation even though I read these promises and even taught many, many girls them....
Ephesians 2:10  I am God's masterpiece
Psalm 139:13-14  I am fearfully and wonderfully made

I would have to answer that question with ....yes, I am!

Insecurity is a tricky,ugly, deceiving  thing... it makes you do things you wouldn't normally do just to get approval from people you don't need approval from.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?  Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."  Galatians 1:10

Not only have I tried so hard physically to loose a ton of weight (which I did not or did and it came back), I also used to be so super involved in whatever ministry/volunteering I could to be the super Christian.  It hasn't been until this last year of 'release' that I've realized the words of the first song that shuffled on this morning..

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus!

As I laid down to stretch after walking and talking with the Lord about all of this, He gave me three things...

1.  He wants to spend time with me and talk with me.  I haven't been still or quiet long enough to listen in the past.  Sometimes still and quiet is uncomfortable because we aren't used to it, but it's where we find out strength.

Psalm 46:10-11 "Be still & know I am God... The LORD Almighty is with us"  Talk about SECURITY... God with us ALWAYS!!!

2.  He does want me to move...both physically & spiritually!  Does that mean I have to drag and flip tires?  I absolutely can, but it means, I can also take a beautiful walk enjoying His creation.  Why do I believe this... well, God created our bodies and knows whats best.  If we listen to our bodies, we can know.  If I don't move, I feel icky....I am tired, have a sore back from weak muscles, and don't want to do anything more than what I have to do.  When I do some kind of movement, I have more energy, feel stronger, and overall have a better attitude.   We are not meant to just get saved and wait for eternity.    He says to

'Go into all the world and teach the gospel' Mark 16:15.

When I am moving, I feel more alert to His promptings of these appointments.  (I know very clearly about people who are unable to move like others since I have a son with cerebral palsy.  Do what YOU can do!  He does, and he  has some might big arm muscles and super big heart :)

3.  He does want me to put pure things not only into my mouth but in my ears/mind/heart as well.  He made me, and He made the proper fuel for my body & mind.  When I eat/drink things closer to the way He made them, I am a different person.  This has been a transition that took time.  Do I still have some desserts?  Yes, sometimes, but the pieces are much smaller and usually I don't feel good afterwards so I tend to not want them as often.   Likewise, I try to only listen to Truth.  But there are times that either my own brain goes south or I'm hearing/speaking things I shouldn't.  Again, I leave not feeling good afterwards so I try to stay clear of the lies the enemy wants me to believe so that I will be defeated.

This topic has been something that has consumed a lot of my life and quite honestly left me feeling defeated.  I'm sure many will identify with me!

Where to go from here..."Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."   Galatians 6:9

My harvest looks different in my eyes this morning!

Would I still like to loose some weight?  Yes!  My reasons just became bigger than me today!

   

The biggest parenting mistake I'm glad I didn't make!

Oh boy, have I made plenty of mistakes being a parent.   Who hasn't?  But each time the Lord shows me what I did wrong, I've tried to talk it through with the boys.  Our children have to understand we aren't perfect, but when we do wrong, don't blame it on anyone else...  Take responsibility, ask for forgiveness, and do better next time.

One thing I'll never regret is pointing my boys to the Lord when making any decisions!  When they became His child through salvation, they received the Holy Spirit- The Perfect Direction Giver!

So when my 2 pound Baby B came to us wanting a tattoo, we did the same thing we do with any decision.... huge or tiny!  

See, here's the deal, no matter your opinion about tattoos (and boy are there plenty of opinions!), YOU are the only person who stands before Jesus for yourself.  There are many opinions about what the Bible says about tattoos as well so without a clear picture- which there are many decisions that we make that are not black/white in the Scriptures- relying on the Holy Spirit to direct you is key!

When time is spent praying about decisions, you WILL get an answer.  That answer sometimes doesn't come for a while, and we have to allow the Holy Spirit to help us be patient.  We cannot wait on our own... we are a want it right now kind of people, but the SAME POWER that raised Christ form the DEAD LIVES IN US!!!  Use it!!!  

As we talked through with Jordan what he wanted it to look like and why he wanted to get it, everything pointed to Jesus.  In the ribbon coming down the cross, it says "Not As Bad"... Jordan said "Nothing I face on Earth is going to ever be as bad as Jesus dying on the cross for me".  

Woah!  This Mama was speechless!  Then he wanted his favorite verse wrapping it "Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong" 1 Corinthians 16:13.  Several months went by while Jordan was praying.

The night before he went to get it we were sitting on the couch and Jordan said, "Mama, are you sure you aren't going to be mad at me for getting a tattoo."  I said, "Jordan, if you have complete peace that you could sit in that chair and get the tattoo with Jesus physically sitting beside you, then I am okay with you doing it."  See, with Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God being the Trinity, it REALLY is as if you have Jesus with you through the Holy Spirit AT ALL TIMES!  Do we live daily remembering that?

Jamie and Courtney went with Jordan to get the tattoo sending pictures for Justin, Jet and I to see the progression.  I can say without a doubt that when Jordan walked back in the house, there wasn't one ounce of regret that I faced.  Even all the phone calls that came because 'The Grahams let Jordan get a tattoo' didn't change my heart or make me second guess.   But please hear my heart- just because 'we let Jordan get a tattoo' - isn't a good reason for anyone else.  Each and every person has to pray, listen, and be obedient as they are directed.  

As Jordan left for bootcamp and we had fun taking recreated pictures, something hit me.

How did Mary feel as she watched her baby boy, Jesus, be beaten?  

Be spit on?  Be mocked?  Be hung on a cross and physically take on everyone's death?   

"Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother"  John 19:25a

I cannot even imagine!  

So, although I don't get to see Jordan for quite some time, and I know he's homesick, tired, and facing lots of challenges, it's not as bad as what Mary faced.  

So while I wait to wrap my arms around him again, I'll do this...

Be on your guard- to be constantly watching- our battle is not against each other- it's all spiritual and satan wants nothing less than to destroy me whether it be through divisions, pride, sin, or disorder.   Notice this when it happens and call out Jesus name...satan has to flee at the name of Jesus!

Stand firm in the faith- The Gospel- Jesus came of a virgin birth, lived a sin free life, died, rose again and sent the Holy Spirit to live in me because I am His child and He loves me.  I believe that wholeheartedly!  Do you?

Be Courageous-  Being motivated by the heart to do something brave- even when I am scared, step out of the boat!  Jesus will carry me!

Be Strong-  Only by the strength given by the Holy Spirit can I be the strong that I need to be....self aside...make Jesus greater...and I'll truly see just how strong He will help me to be!

1 Corinthians 16:13  Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.

What am I going to do with the boys gone? I'm going to need some of your help with this one:)

While facing a really big obstacle for my Mama heart, my mind has flashed back to one of the first. Driving away from college, leaving Justin there by himself, my mind went back to March 1996 when we were so excited to be able to finally bring one of our babies home after being in the NICU for 3months. The problem...we were leaving our other baby there!

The pain was so great that I could hardly breath as tears rolled down my cheeks.  

Yep, that happened again Sunday night as we drove away.  

Initially, I thought, 'stop this, Trisha! Hold it together!' after all, I had Kyra in the front seat with me,  and Jordan, Courtney and Jet in the back. 

Then the Holy Spirit reminded me 

"When you are weak, I can be strong"   2 Corinthians 12:9-11

"God holds every single one of my tears and it's okay to cry"  Psalm 56:8

"I'll never leave you" Hebrews 13:5, Joshua 1:5

It was when I looked in the rearview mirror and saw tears rolling down Jordan's cheeks, that I thanked God for reminding me it was okay to be weak, to cry, to feel that struggle.  

I'm convinced that Jordan needed to let those same things process, and he felt comfortable to struggle because he wasn't alone in his struggling.  

As I glance at Courtney rubbing Jordan's back, I felt kind of silly because here she was, at 19, and hasn't seen her Dad in over 4 years because he died from brain cancer and all I was having to do was not see Justin for a few days and Jordan for a few months.   As I apologize, she has no idea how powerfully the Holy Spirit used her words "Why are you apologizing...it's hard"

As I began this year with a focus of 'closer to Jesus in 2015', I should have but didn't realize those words would come with trials because after all, I'll need to face situations that I could not handle without Him.  It started with part of our roof blowing off...just ours...not anyone else around us...which was a hefty deductible to be replaced.  God provided!  Then, I went into surgery to fix my shoulder from an accident at the previous summer's mission trip...hefty medical bills and hefty pain and rehab....God has healed and is still providing!  Jordan's truck broke...God provided!  Justin rolled his Tahoe...God protected and provided!  Jordan swore into the National Guard in April...God provided the direction and peace!  Justin interviewed for Ag-Power & applied for Navarro...God directed and provided!  Justin has moved into his dorm and began classes... "Mama, my English teacher is nice and the lasagna is really good!"... God is providing!  Jordan leaves September 8th for lots of time away....God WILL provide whatever it is he needs, I need, we need!!

So what am I going to do with both boys gone?  

I do have another child... poor Jet has heard these questions for the last year.  Honestly, it kind of makes you want to punch those people in the throat (another Mom and I have shared the same feelings, but thankfully the Holy Spirit keeps us from that craziness).  

Jamie, Jet & I will have some adjusting... Jet has to decided each night which bed he wants to sleep in, who's clothes he wants to wear, and no one else is going to drink his chocolate milk :)  

For real though, it's going to be weird & hard, but definitely all good!

 AAAAAAANNNNDDDDDDD.... I'm finally going to be obedient and stop making excuses!  I've run away from this long enough, but when a total random customer you just met says 

"You should write a book!",

I KNOW it was God gently reminding me again!  I've traced it back to 11 years ago that the first person said it to me, but I've said things like 'you don't have a degree', 'how will you pay for it to be published', and 'what in the world am I supposed to write about'.  

So, as I watch my children walk by faith, going into the unknown but know God is with them,  I'm going to do the same.  This is all something God has been showing me all year long.  Jamie, Jordan & I were working out, and Jamie turned and looked at me saying "Are you struggling, too?"

I stopped... he kept running...but when I got to him, I said "I think God just used you and gave me the title to the book."  He said "You're welcome with a smile!"

That's exactly what my heart cry has been about...

Letting others see/know that we struggle...being very real about it...
BUT our God is faithful, He is loving and He is so so big!  He is ABLE to do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine according to HIS power working in us....all for His glory!  Sharing our Ephesians 3:20 story and helping others to do the same thing!

Why?  People's ETERNITY is at stake!  They need to SEE God's power at work in us!
1 Corinthians 2:4 says "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a DEMONSTRATION OF THE SPIRIT'S POWER, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but ON GOD'S POWER"

I really honestly believe this is a collaborative effort... here is why...

We all have different struggles!  I don't know yours and you don't understand mine!

But when we connect people who DO UNDERSTAND because they've been through the same, WOAH!  It's amazing!

Here's how you can help...

1.  Be a prayer partner... what a great , great privilege we have to speak to our living God!  First and foremost, we will bring to God every thing that is done.  We want the Holy Spirit to be in complete control at all times!

2.  Be willing to share how you've seen God through an obstacle you have faced

3.  Be part of a team that shares the same obstacles

So, after praying about it, if you are led to be a part of  Are You Struggling, Too?,
shoot me an email at obstacleovercomers@gmail.com
letting me know you'd like to be a part.

I don't have a clear picture of what this looks like, but that's okay, while "Looking to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always" (Psalm 105:4) He will, no doubt, provide!!

When each side is pulling, it just doesn't turn out right!

I've never claimed to be a seamstress but I've occasionally tried to mend things.

So when Jordan had a problem with his zipper, I busted out the needle and thread and did a little stitching.  Bless his heart- when he put them in his bag to put on for baseball the next day, I don't think he intended on them looking like this.....

Go ahead and laugh... I promise, I still do when I look at this picture and remember Jordan coming in from baseball with them like this saying "Mama, I think you might have missed something."

I absolutely missed something... it was obvious at the tugging of both sides of the fabric around the zipper, and WOW! How God has taught me a lesson from Jordan's messed up zipper!

I've had a lot of tugging going on in me, around me, and seems like a lot of places I look.  I've been praying....well, to be honest sometimes I pray.  Other times, I get mad.  

SO much conflict, and mostly, it's amongst people who call themselves believers in Jesus....myself included.  

James 4:1-3

1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?  Don't they come from evil desires at war within you?   

Every single battle I've watched or had within my own heart comes straight from selfishness...we want what we want.  Oh, it doesn't always seem that obvious.  It comes in all different forms and sometimes even in what is a good thing.  Giving is a good thing, right.  Giving of our time, our talents, or our resources, but with many times with that giving, we want recognition, we want people to know that we gave, we want to feel good because we gave.  

2a You want something but don't get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight. 

Goodness, those seem like harsh words, and are most of us going to ever physically kill someone? NO!  But you and I both know that certain words have been said to you (or maybe words that aren't said)  or things have been done to you that you are still physically alive but that may be all.  Your spirit is crushed!  

But what is it that we are chasing or wanting so badly that we will fight, quarrel and kill... 

more possessions, more money,  closeness in our relationships, higher status or more power, or maybe even peace, joy, self-control.   Again, it's easy to say, "Oh that isn't me", but think about a recent conflict in your own heart.  Oh, not one that anyone can see.  I'm talking about the ones that when you lay your head down on your pillow at night and it's just you and God, what comes to your mind.  

The thing that God has shown me over and over in this in the past few months is this...

If someone does something ugly to you, don't make it about you.

If someone is struggling and maybe acting different, don't make it about you.

If someone does something that you and they both know they shouldn't do, don't make it about you.

If someone says hurtful words, don't make it about you.

Ephesians 6:12 says "For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."  

Satan wants nothing more than to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10) so think about this...

Whenever a trial comes your way, what is your reaction?  Is it that of trusting God to work it for your good?  Or do you like me, sometimes take matters into your own hands, pick up the needle and thread and try to fix it only to later still have a bulging zipper.  Sorry, had to throw that in there because how many of us have we reacted and therefore our insides are busting at the seams!  My hand is raised!!!

I'm quick to be like the people who brought the woman caught in adultery to Jesus...quick to pass judgement on her sin, although I have plenty of my own sin to deal with.  

2b-3 Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it.  And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong you want only what will give you pleasure.  

How does your prayer life look?  

Do you talk to God at all?  When you do, what do you talk about?  

Do you ask God to satisfy your desires?  Do you seek His approval for what you already plan to do?

What is it that we REALLY want?  I'd have to say deep down inside, we all have the desire to be right with God.   "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."  Matthew 5:6 and PRAISE JESUS the rest of John 10:10 has the answer that even though satan comes to still, kill, and destroy, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Once you have decided that you believe Jesus is God's son, He died on the cross for your sins, and rose again, and you trust in HIs free gift of salvation, the Holy Spirit is constantly drawing you to Himself, speaking and guiding you.  Are we listening?  Or do we think we have it all figured out because we go to church?

James 4; 6-10 And He gives grace generously.  As the Scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." SO

7a. Humble yourselves before God  (Humbling ourselves means recognizing that our worth comes from God alone.)

7b.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  (I think about if someone was going to try to come take my boys from me, I would fight with all I had.  Guess what parents, satan is trying to do the same... you know what your weapon is... Ephesians 6:17 sword of the Spirit...word of God.  Know Truth and live it out!)

8.   Come near to God, and God will come close to you.  Wash your hands you sinners; purify your hearts for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.  (Where is your focus... earthly (self) or eternity(God))

9.  Let there be tears for what you have done.  Let there be sorrow and deep grief.  Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.  (When you do something that is wrong, do you take responsibility, do you feel bad for what you do or is it easier to try to laugh it off like nothing happened.)

10.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. (to be humble involves working with his power according to his guidance, not with our own independent effort.)

We are surrounded and can sometimes ourselves be stone throwing Christians and to be honest, it's usually over things that have no eternal meaning.   Then, we wonder why people don't want to be a part of our church (which by the way..isn't the brick... it's the body of believers).  

I came across a verse a few weeks ago because 'curriculum happened to be changed today' and it has been SO powerful in my life.  I love God's timing!

2 Corinthians 2:3-4 says this

"I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.  My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

Let's let our life be a reflection of His power!  

Warning!  This will require things that you, alone, can't handle.  

No worries- write this verse were you can see it ALL the time..

2 Corinthians 12:9  

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Amen!  I pray we all live in HIS power TODAY!! 

Jordan's Perfect Surprise

Mama, I have a random question.

You never know where those words are going to take your conversation with your son, 

but two weeks ago on a Sunday night, 

it was probably one of my favorite conversations I've ever had with Jordan.  

He asked me what I thought about long engagements.  He and Courtney have been dating for almost four years now, and as he moves on to his "next" and leaving for bootcamp in a few shorts weeks, it didn't really surprise me much.  The one thing that Jordan wanted to do was surprise her with the engagement, and our trip to Red River seemed like the perfect time for him.

As with many questions Jordan has asked over the last few years, my answer has been the same on all of them.  See, as a parent, we aren't the Holy Spirit in our children nor can we know all the right answers or have the peace for an answer for them.  I believe that "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 means teaching them to listen to the Holy Spirit and be obedient to His leading.  There comes a time when our children have to realize that they have to stand before God for their own actions and whether they were obedient or not.  If we, as parents, try to make all their decision or always tell them what we think they should do, how will they learn the power of the Holy Spirit directing them? 

So to Jordan's question, my answer was this... "Jordan, people will say 'your engagement was too short, your engagement was too long, and many, many other things just like when Daddy and I got engaged at a young age, but the only important thing to do is to be praying and letting God lead you.  I can't know the perfect timing for you.  I will be praying for you and will support whatever decision you make."  Cool thing was when he text Daddy (since he was at the fire station when we had this conversation), he received the same response!

Genesis 2:18 says

" The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him." 

It has been so awesome watching these verses in real life with my boys, and I'm more than thrilled that Jordan has found his suitable helper.  Courtney is a precious young lady with an amazing story!  She's strong beyond her years as she has sought God through some major obstacles in her life.  

No doubt, she loves the Lord and my Baby B, 

and by the smile on his face, you can tell how much he adores her!  

   

  

It was definitely a special day climbing that mountain 

with such an amazing surprise awaiting at the end.  

Isn't that such a perfect picture of life?  

What we have awaiting us- well, we really can't even imagine how awesome it's going to be especially when sometimes it's super hard to keep climbing and 

you are out completely out of breath... 

"I can only imagine, what it will be like

When I walk, by Your side

I can only imagine, what my eyes will see

When Your face is before Me

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for You Jesus

Or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence

or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

I can only imagine"

just as Courtney had no idea how awesome it was going to be for her at the end of her climb!  

 So excited that we'll be gaining another daughter!  

When will that be?  We aren't sure yet, but how cool to know God has it all under control and His Holy Spirit will guide and direct them!

Why do we try when we know we really can't?

Whether it is planning what our future will look like, trying to keep our spouses from leaving us, or making someone do the right thing, once we really understand that we cannot control anyone other than ourselves or how we respond to things out of our control, it really frees us!

So many times, I've tried to control things, people or circumstances, and it's been in extreme times in my life that I've realized the only control I really have is how I act, how I speak, & how I respond.  

I was horrible at this as a new wife. When I was a little girl, my biggest fear was my house burning down (interesting how I married a firefighter :)..)   It never crossed my mind that my parents would get a divorce, but in 8th grade, it happened.  So, as a wife, I was going to make sure that was not going to happen to me.  I did the whole questioning every move and when cell phones did come into our lives, I would sneak around to check it.  It made me a nervous wreck when we'd disagree because I was afraid he was leaving me. Boy, was this miserable for both Jamie and myself, and this was just the beginning of many things to come that I had NO control over!

Then, as a new Mom to be, I had it all figured out!  We were going to have one little boy and one little girl, had their names planned and what they were going to do!  Then, the first sonogram happened and all of that changed.  Twins, in the same membrane and same placenta, and the doctor's cannot do anything to help me.  My chances of both surviving are 1 in 800,000.  This was just the beginning of many things to come that I had NO control over!

Or there is the situation where a person in your life chooses to do something that is not right, and it hurts you or someone else you love.  You want so badly to make them understand and want them to want to make it right, but no matter what you say or how hard you try to convince them, it's not happening.  Has this ever happened to you?  Of course it has, and it's yet another situation where I've realized that I had NO control.

Why do we try to control people or circumstances? 

For me... it's so I won't get hurt again... I won't go through any painful situations and life will just be beautiful with no hard times, right?  

But don't we find it interesting that in James 1, it talks about having joy when we face trials because that tests our faith, to develop perseverance and perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.   (paraphrased)

How in the world does this REALLY happen?  How do you have joy in trials? 

I can tell you because I've tried it my way and I finally surrendered to trying it God's way!  

Having joy when we face trials pretty much means that our focus is Jesus and trusting Him to carry us through knowing He's in complete control and letting Him have that control.  Is this a one time and done choice ?  Nope!  We have to continually choose this over and over on what sometimes seems like a minute by minute basis allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us... that is where our power comes from... nothing inside of us can do this on our own!  

When I learned to release control to Jesus for my marriage, something happened!  It became more than I could imagine or ask!

Something happened in my heart the moment I realized I'm going to stand before God one day....
-the Loving God that sent his Son to die on the cross to free me from sin
-who has also given me His love letter to me through His Word to teach me, to correct me, and train me in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16) and
-who sent His Holy Spirit to be with us every step of the way to be our Counselor

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

While salvation is a free gift totally based on God's grace...meaning there is nothing you can do to earn it... we will still give an account for how we handled this amazing gift.  

How do we handle those situations that are out of our control?
How do we handle those words that cause us pain?
How do we handle those actions that hurt our feelings?

It matters!  Is our faith real?  Do we trust God?  Although we can't keep these things from happening to us, we can keep them from controlling us!

Think about this.... it's very freeing to realize you don't have to answer for how everyone else behaves.  The verse says that 'each one' that is us by ourselves... not with our spouses, our parents, our children, our friends, our pastor, our ....

It is a big obstacle although in not letting our feelings or emotions control us verses let the Holy Spirit.

What do you want Jesus to say to you when you see Him face to face?

I remember one year at Judgement House in Grand Prairie, the gentleman playing Jesus in the scene of Heaven was quoting verses to each of us.  When he got to me, he looked at me and said "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

May we live in such a way that when we meet Jesus face to face,
we've done well,
we've done good, and
we've been faithful.... to HIM! 

Not exactly what I thought I wanted...

Who decides to paint and redo her kitchen just weeks before her twins graduate from high school?

You guessed it!  That would be me!  Of course, in His usual fashion, God used it to remind me and give me a way to show the world His greatness in our lives... yep, you can see God even in a mess of paint, sand paper, & more paint.

I had my picture from Pinterest of what I wanted my kitchen to look like....tan walls, turquoise door, white distressed cabinets & black island top.  It was awesomely different than what I had currently!

Same with my life.  I had a picture of what it was going to look like.  

As a 17 year old walking across the stage, I was planning out my life especially since Jamie and I had gotten engaged the night before my high school graduation.  Our wedding was going to be gorgeous with everyone we loved in attendance, our house was going to be just perfect, and our children... one boy, one girl... of course both big and healthy.  Isn't that what everyone says when you think of having children... "as long as they are healthy!"

Laying on a bed with a sonographer and doctor telling me I'd loose my babies wasn't part of my plan.

Having a doctor tell us Justin wasn't going to make it after they were born wasn't part my the plan.

Jamie and I being separated when the boys turned 1 wasn't part of my plan.

Having a doctor tell us Justin has cerebral palsy wasn't part of my plan.

Having a doctor tell us Justin was deaf wasn't part of my plan.

Having Jordan in ICU with his stomach bleeding wasn't part of my plan.

Justin on the left weighing 3#, on a ventilator, under a lamp for jaundice, with tubes and wires everywhere wasn't part of the plan.
Jordan on the right weighing 2# and oh so very fragile wasn't part of the plan.

Whelp, my kitchen didn't go as planned either.  I put the tan on the walls over my current red.  It sure did make the kitchen look bigger, but ewww, it wasn't working for me at all.  It's okay, let me keep going with the cabinets, and it will be much better- so I thought.  A coat of white paint all over every cabinet, and yuck, it kept getting worse.   I decided to go get fabric for the curtains and pillows in the breakfast nook to see if that would help.  My mom quickly sacrificed her time to do them because she knew I was struggling.  Papa and Jordan got them up as soon as she finished them.

 That helped A LOT, but I still had to finish the painting.  I took off one of the cabinet doors and distressed the lower part to see if I'd like it before I did the whole kitchen.  I was relieved that it was what I was expecting!

Until I did the entire cabinet, and YUCK.... not okay!

So back to the basics I go.  

White coat of paint over entire tops again, 

but I decided to go black on the bottoms 

although I know this probably isn't hgtv material :), it's okay I LIKE IT!  

I ended up going with red honeycomb vinyl... yep vinyl for the backsplash, and 

Look How It Turned Out!!!

I walked in my kitchen the next morning, and I was like

THAT IS MY KITCHEN!  IT REALLY IS...

IT'S WAY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED

AND,

we aren't even finished!  

Jamie is building butcher block countertops for me which 

will be even better!

Is it perfect?  

Oh! no way... you will see paint streaks that would make a professional cringe.  

You will see chipped off parts that happened the day after I painted them.  

I could focus on those things or I can say 

this is my kitchen & I love walking into it every single day, several times a day!

I love my kitchen because people gather in it to eat, to talk, to pray!

Much like my kitchen, our lives haven't turned out like we expected, 

and I'm SO THANKFUL they didn't! 

Because of all of the 'unhealthy parts', 

we have learned and continue to learn that knowing Jesus is what we really need!

I wake up thinking 

THIS IS MY LIFE!  IT REALLY IS... 

IT'S WAY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED

AND,

we aren't even finished!

I can't tell you what is to come but I know my God knows and it's always GOOD!

Is it perfect?

  

Oh! no way... you can see tears on any given day, an argument, and rolling of the eyes.

You can see Justin struggling to hear, stand up, or even walk some parts of the day.

I could focus on those things OR I can hold onto this promise...

"For our light and momentary troubles 

are achieving for us an eternal glory 

that far outweighs them all.  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, 

but on what is unseen.  

For what is seen is temporary, 

but what is unseen is eternal!"  

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

What are you focused on?  

Maybe your life doesn't look anything like you hoped it would.  Can I tell you that I have realized and continue to see that EVERYONE has obstacles.... even if they don't want to admit it.  Those obstacles help us, if we let them, to see God in a bigger way!  There is nothing to hard for HIM!  And guess what?   No matter what you are going through... just remember, it's NOT the end of the story!

In John 16:33,

Jesus said,

  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world!"

Yes, my life is not exactly what I thought I wanted...

 Instead, it is WAY better than I could have imagined, and guess what?  the best is yet to come!

ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS!!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, Every fear is gone

I know

He holds

My Life

My Future 

in His Hands

Amen!  Amen!

I'm Alive

I'm Alive

Because He Lives!

(Great song... Because He Lives by Matt Maher... YouTube it! Hear it in your heart!)

Moving, Auditioning, & Training

As I was pulling down on the tricep bar at the Y, a sweet lady was calling out to Jamie behind me to come help her.  She was probably in her 60's and needed him to help her put the step up platform at a lower level.  Just her presence screamed joy and peace.   She began stepping up and down on that platform at her own pace.  As I finished up what I was doing, I walked over to her and asked her a question.  "Have you always worked out?"  She said, "Yes ma'am, my Mom always moved somehow someway."  Her response has repeated over and over in my thoughts.  For the few months that we've been going to the Y as well as the months I was involved in P31 Fitness, I have noticed a constant.

The people that keep moving...  KEEP moving... are WAY more joyful, kind, & peaceful!

I've been the on and off person all of my life, but last week, while working VBS, I did not get up and do my regular workout, and WOWZERS, could I tell a huge difference!  Moving physically gives me more energy and focus , and I can get more accomplished and feel better doing it... Hmm, you think God didn't design us perfectly!  So I'm working on being an ON... constantly ON...

"You don't understand, Trisha, I can't exercise because..."  See, before you even read this, the Holy Spirit was working, and He knows what you'll say, but before I loose you, this is WAY more that trying to get you to exercise :)

Everyone can move somehow.  There is a lady at the Y that I watch every day.  She has got to be in her 90's.  The transit bus drops her off every day in her little dress pants, blouse, and sweater vest. She gets her towel and heads for whatever she is going to do that day.  I've seen her on the row machine, the weight machines, the bikes, the treadmill.... DOING HER OWN PACE.. but she is moving!

The parallel between the physical and spiritual is amazing to me!  The lessons we can 'see' (with the help of the Holy Spirit once we accept the free gift of salvation and call on Jesus to be our Lord and Savior) during a physical moment can teach us so much spiritual lessons!

As I read 2 Timothy 3:16-17 this morning
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
something stood out to me...
all of those words end in -ing.  Stick with me; I don't have a degree in English, but I have the Holy Spirit that teaches me all things.  When you look up verbs ending in -ing, it says '-ing ending is used to show the progressive aspect- continuous verb tense'.

Woah!  This goes exactly with what I'm talking about with continually moving physically, and I have no doubt the same applies spiritually!  We need to be in God's word not just to obtain knowledge, but to be able to have it for
teaching us- show or explain how to do something
rebuking us- express sharp disapproval
correcting us- put right
training us- teach a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time  
in righteousness (right with God)
so that (why are we going to do these things)
the man of God may be thoroughly (totally and completely)
equipped
for every good work.

Did you know that the Bible says you are God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do?  Yep, it's Ephesians 2:10.

But I don't feel like I can do anything.  Step off the emotional rollercoater with me then, and let God's Word become active, real, and continuous in your life!  It doesn't matter how you 'feel'... trust me...

Let me give you an example with my awesome husband who has given me permission to share :)

Jamie used to lead worship for our youth department.  He learned to play the guitar just 5 or 6 years ago, but he has been singing since we were teenagers.  As we've moved churches,  Jamie hasn't done much singing or playing.  A couple of weeks ago, in the bulletin, it had a little blurb about auditions for the praise team.  Jet said "Daddy, I'm pretty sure the Holy Spirit is talking to you."  Kind of, heck, there was no kind of, Jamie blew it off. 

Then last week, as I was working VBS, Jonathan (worship pastor) 'just happens to' walk into the snack room for teachers and sits down right next to me.  Let me tell you, there are hundreds and hundreds of people at FBC Wylie so this was not taken lightly. We exchanged introductions, and within the first couple of minutes, it was obvious God was up to something.  I shared with him some of what has gone on and where our hearts were at, and he quickly explained his experiences which were so similar.  As we got up, he told me to have Jamie email his secretary who, guess what!  just happened to walk in at that moment, and I got to meet her.  

Jamie was at the fire station so I quickly called him as we left VBS.  He wasn't too sure about this 'auditioning' thing.  I mean, that would be uncomfortable, he doesn't have any formal musical education, and there are a lot more people qualified at a church this big. Right?

The next day he has me email Jennifer (Jonathan's secretary) in which he wasn't too sure about the quick response in email and text from Jonathan.  As they began texting Jonathan, Jamie was quickly seeing what I saw in his realness and an audition time was set up.   I'm at a birthday party when this happens, but when I come in, Jamie is at the computer, with his guitar and paperwork, singing... 

but not very happy about it.  

Not going to lie, I was laughing at God's sense of humor inside but definitely not showing it... YET:)

That was Monday night, and his audition was Tuesday evening at 7:40.  

Tuesday morning, Jamie is no doubt battling.  He's a tad bit grumpy, saying he's not going, and I'm still not letting him see that I'm dying laughing.  I, finally, after praying and asking the Holy Spirit if I was supposed to say anything (this is an ongoing lesson as a wife & mom)  tell him 

1.  that I am not going to be disappointed if he didn't think he was supposed to go.  

2.  that although there were several musical requirements on the paperwork that we didn't even know what they meant much less have them, maybe it's his spiritual strengths that was important  

3.  that I would support whatever he decided.

He left to run a few errands which included the grocery store in which Jamie picked up Koolaid packets that go in water.  He used to always drink them before he sang.  I didn't say anything about it but watched as he continued to battle and continued to pray for him to know.  

Jordan & Jet left to go to Academy, and Jamie said to me "I don't think I'm supposed to go.  I'm going to let Jonathon know."  He types out a text and reads it off to me.  It was very professional and he was explaining how he was afraid he wouldn't meet the time requirements since his schedule is so different.  I told him it sounded nice, and he sent it.  Literally (I'm still laughing retelling this story) his phone went off very quickly, and Jamie said "I don't like this dude" with a half way smile.  

"Why?" I asked.  Jonathan's response was "Would you mind still coming to the audition?".  I can't contain myself anymore and burst out laughing in which was the Holy Spirit's perfect timing.  Jamie laughed, too.  I told him I didn't understand why he didn't just explain to Jonathan his hesitations about the requirements, but more than that, this was no doubt, God giving him an opportunity to be obedient, get out of his comfort zone, and grow... continuously moving spiritual!  

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6  

We tend to fight that sometimes just like we fight wanting to work out, but lifting more weight, going a little longer, doing something different changes us for the better... it makes us stronger!  Same for the spiritual... we aren't meant to get saved and wait for heaven.  He wants us to step out of the boat and onto the water to trust him, and boy was Jamie seeing the waves as many of us would do.

BUT, he left the house with guitar and grape Koolaid in hand... with me still giggling!  He knew, I knew, this was NO accident and it would require the Holy Spirit to help him... HMMM, what a perfect place to be (When we are weak, HE IS STRONG!)

It was anything but comfortable on that much larger stage than he's used to, with a band he just met, and two very talented musicians asking him to do different things, but HE LOVED IT! 

Jamie amazed me with all of this because not only did he do it, but he let the boys and I see his struggle and his trying to get out of it, but ultimately his humility when he realized, "Ok, God... I'm not going to fight any more.  You know what is best, and even though I don't necessarily feel like doing this, I definitely don't want to not grow.  Plus, I have my wife and children watching... is my faith going to be real."

What about you?  What about me?  Are you moving... Am I moving?

That sweet lady that I may never see again has no idea the impact of her words...

My Mom taught me to always move somehow, someway!  

How about it... will you join me in not standing still any longer!  There is immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine waiting on us because God is ABLE... to Him be ALL GLORY!

Overcoming My Hardest Obstacle Yet

As we wrapped up Justin & Jordan's baseball playoffs, Senior activities, and graduation as well as swore into the military and enrolled in college and paid for the dorm deposit,  I sat here reminiscing last Tuesday, June 9th, also my 40th birthday, and God taught me something about probably, shoot not probably, it is my biggest obstacle ever!

... harder than having a child with cerebral palsy
... harder than thinking about Jordan being away at bootcamp
... harder than having divorced parents
... harder than almost being divorced myself
... harder than losing weight and getting healthy

and He taught it all through my oven!

Who would have thought?  But when I read my Bible and it says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you." declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, " declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."   (Jeremiah 29:13-14),  God confirms to me that I can find Him if I'll just seek Him-----
get that---- you have to seek Him to find Him!
Where you'll find Him is not limited to anything?
He is God and can show up EVERYWHERE and HE DOES!

What could be harder than all of those and much more that I didn't list..... WORDS!!

Yep, words... words said in my own head, words that I say out loud, and words that I listen to!  

Stick with me because I have a feeling I am not alone in this battle, but we CAN overcome this bondage!!

Have you ever said something and wished you could take it back?  Have you ever had something said to you or around you that just cut right to your core?  Of course, we all have!  But what happens when that is an ongoing problem...  

Proverbs 18:21 says this "The tongue has the power of life and death"  

Did you get that... LIFE & DEATH... the POWER of LIFE & DEATH!  

It goes on to say "and those who love it will eat its fruit."  

I like the message version "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit- you choose."  

For several months, and maybe even years if I'm being honest, my heart has been convicted about this area of my life.... both speaking & listening to poison.   I realized and saw that this needed repair in my life, but I put it off and put it off (in comes the parallel to the oven!)  

See, the glass on the inside of the oven broke a while back.  I'm not even sure how long it has been, but I just kept on with my 'busy' life.  (By the way, busy is a four letter word in my book!  I despise the word because it is such lame excuse satan throws at us for avoiding the important things but that's a whole different blog).  I've had to adjust my cooking and turn the food during the time it cooked to avoid one side being burned and the other not done.   I've burned the bottom of muffins while the tops were doughy.  I let it get dirtier and dirtier because after all, it was broken.  It would take a lot to fix! 

It wasn't until the day of graduation that I was trying to cook our lunch, and what should have taken 14 minutes wasn't done in 45 minutes.  We realized that the heating element at the bottom went out. We priced replacing the whole oven, but with all that has gone on in 2015, there is no budget for a new oven... and that obviously wasn't God's plan anyways :)!   So Jamie got on the phone and ordered that part.  He went the next morning and picked it up AND the piece to fix the door.  So, YAY!, on my birthday, we are fixing and cleaning the oven... just what ever girl wants to do!  

Boy, did I not realize how very special it really was going to be!   

As Jamie watched youtube videos to figure out how to do stuff, I cleaned out the years of gunk... yes, gunk.. on the bottom of the oven.  I scrubbed, sprayed and coughed from so much spray, scrapped and scrubbed some more,  and then finally, it looked brand new.  Jamie put the new heating element in... no big deal, but this door!  Wowzers! There is a lot to it!   We took it completely apart and scrubbed, sprayed and scrapped on it, too!  The years of the glass being broken caused quite the film on the other pieces of glass that took some time to get it off.

But we did it!  We got everything completely clean and put back together.   Then it was test time! We turned it on and boom!  It was beautiful!  I think it was cleaner than when we first got it and boy, was it shiny!  Then the real test came when I was making breakfast the next morning.  I put the biscuits on the stone and in the oven as usual, and you wouldn't believe it!  They were perfectly done with no spinning during the time!  

Do you see the spiritual parallel yet?  Words... they break us, they break others, and if we don't tend to them with God's Word, it causes years of build up!  years of us not working properly!  

I have been in the taking apart and cleaning stage for a while now.  The scrubbing and scrapping is uncomfortable, but it's good. (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.... you should memorize that if you haven't already!  It is LIGHT to lots of situations.  I don't have trouble being reminded of God's goodness- I used to get mad because when I ask the boys how anything is, their day, their practice, their project went, and their only reply was 'good', but now I see that God was teaching me :)

I've read and reread verses like Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who hold his tongue is wise."  and I've failed over and over again.  With things going on all around me that are just wrong, it makes my emotions feel like they are on the Titan at Six Flags, and my initial reaction (because it's what I've always done) is to talk about it.... talk about 'them'.   But I've also read and reread Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  

My poor hubby is the one that has had to endure it the most!  But on my birthday,  I was able to explain to him that I really wanted to do better at speaking and listening to words that built up, were wise, and glorifying to my God who loves me so much that He sent His ONLY Son to die on the cross for my words, my sins, my faults.  

The tests have come and have come plentiful, but quick prayers like "Holy Spirit, please control my thoughts" have been my life line.  Have I failed?  Yes!  Do I quit... ABSOLUTELY NOT because in just one short week, I've already seen a HUGE difference!  

Things work much better when functioning how they were meant to work... So thankful we have a Guide!   If you are at a point where you feel the poison of your words or the words around you, ask Him TODAY to help you!  There is never a point where you can't have a redo and start fresh!  It's your future... let Him bring you out of bondage!