Fighting for Marriage

This morning, I heard three words that always make my heart sink.
"We are divorcing" came from a women...a customer just dropping off something for me to decorate.
I immediately think of the children as I have been there as an 8th grade girl who's parents were divorcing.  It's no fun, and while all your friends are thinking about what new sweatshirt they want to buy, you are wishing life could be different.  Change is hard, and change that comes in the form of families splitting just rocks a child's world.

I then think of the times, yes, there were two, where those words were very close to coming out of mine and Jamie's mouths.  I remember clearly Jordan, at the age of 1..yes 1, bringing me his pacifier because I was crying all the time.  Kids are very keen to situations even at an early age.   Oh, we were THAT family on the outside...we went to church every time the doors were open.  We even sang in the choir and taught kids, but behind the door in our little apartment, we were dying inside.  Thank the Lord for a red headed man that was a marriage counselor our pastor sent us to.  I don't remember his name, but one day in heaven, I will be able to thank him for helping us although at the time, I didn't like him.

See, we each met with him individually and told him what was going on.  We then came together, and he talked to each of us in front of the other.  He started with Jamie and was telling him everything he needed to work on which I was almost vocally cheering him on because after all, I had been telling him the same thing over and over and over.   Then, he looked at me.  He began to tell me things I needed to work on.  Man, that wasn't so fun when it was ME that needed to do some things different.

Here's what we learned... Marriage takes work!!  Jamie and I couldn't be more different people.  He's very particular and a planner, and I'm the most random/abstract person you might meet.  He likes to get in the bed unmade.  I like for the bed to be made (which might be the ONLY thing OCD about me).  He likes tea made and refrigerated all night before he drinks it.  I like it freshly brewed and over ice.  He likes to chop food one way.  I choose to do it a different way, and it used to DRIVE HIM CRAZY!  Until one day we realized that it's totally okay to be different about almost everything as long as one thing is the same....  that we pursued the Lord with all our heart and allowed Him to love us and to love others through us.

Before we realized this, we were looking for each other to fulfill our every need, and that is WAY TOO much weight for any human being.  We would get frustrated because the other wouldn't do or say what we wanted them to do or say.  When expectations weren't met, we'd just look to other things or people since we weren't happy with each other.  This can snowball quickly, and before long, you find yourself one day not wanting to even be around your spouse.  I know, I have been there.

So how did we get from there to where we are now...
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and how long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:14-19

This was a day by day, new mercies every day kind of work.  It didn't just happen over night.. after all, we didn't fall apart over night.  We tried to learn more about each other, and realized the bed could be half made and half unmade and it was totally fine :) We let the Lord heal our hearts and then fill our hearts!

Please hear my heart that if you have already been through a divorce, Jesus does not condemn, neither am I.  But if you are married and struggling to decide whether you want to stay married or not, please please please don't give up...don't let satan win!  Take some time to just breath and let the Holy Spirit fill your heart and your spouses heart (meaning you have to be quiet...which is hard to do).  Pray for God to do a mighty work that only He can do.. and I promise you, you can get to the other side, and say wow! God!  You are BIG!!!

What I've learned about the sidelines...

No one wants to be on the sidelines.  When you go to practice, work hard, and your family is watching, you want to get in the game!  But there is something about the sidelines that God used Jet in last week's game to teach me that is so important!

The sidelines are not a bad place!

You are there because you are wanting to be in the game!  You have come to the practices, you've studied the plays the coach has given you, and you've put in the work for when he calls your name to get on the field!

Stay with me... even if you don't care a thing in the world about football!  There is a spiritual picture that was made super clear to me this week!!

See, as former youth pastors, we were busy, busy all the time (like being on the field 100% of the time), but over the past 18 months after retiring, there have been times I've kind of felt like I wasn't 'in the game' per say as far as serving the Lord.  OR maybe that was just satan trying to distract...

Maybe God has had us on the sidelines for a bit...and today, I can say... I'm thankful for the sidelines!

Sidelines are where you can rest in between plays.  A tired and weary soul isn't at it's best by any means, and I'll be the first to admit I don't rest enough. Take a knee, take a deep breath, and let God refresh your soul!  It's a good place to be because it prepares you for the next time He calls you to go in the game!
Psalm 46:10 is probably one of my all time favorites... "Be Still & Know that I am God".  
What a picture of resting... instead of getting mad at 'the coach' for not letting you play.  Know that He has your best interest at heart when he wants you to rest for a bit and let Him handle it!

Sidelines are where you can rehydrate!  You can easily become dehydrated if you don't take time to drink water in the game.  Taking the time to take in The Living Water is crucial for our souls! John 7:37 says "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."  

When we find ourselves dry, all it takes is to stop and take in Jesus. Reading His Word, speaking His name, or maybe just watching for how He wants to show you Himself today through a breeze or beautiful sunrise!







Sidelines are where you are encouraged by other teammates and where you get to encourage other teammates.  If you are so distracted by not being in the game, you may miss an opportunity to bless someone really close to you who might have just 'dropped the ball.'  We all drop the ball in life...which is why we need Jesus!  We aren't perfect...but He IS!!  We need to look for those moments where we can be encouraging others, and we also need to be humble enough to receive encouragement from others.   1 Thessalonians 4:18 Therefore encourage one another.  Ask God to show you who might need encouragement today!



Where are you today?
Are you a spectator in the game of life?  Football isn't for everyone, but everyone can be in the game called life for God.  We each have special skills that He's equipped us with in order to do a specific job, and I don't mean a position at a church (although I love church staff:)..).  I'm talking the smile that someone needs to see, a hug that someone needs to feel, or a positive word that someone needs to hear.  

Without the offensive line, the quarterback wouldn't be able to do anything but run for his life.  He wouldn't have any time to survey that their might be a receiver that went far down the field and could catch a pass that would score points for their team!  Without the quarterback throwing the ball to a receiver,  he wouldn't be able to run in for a touchdown.  Without a defensive line, the other team would have a clear path to run to defeat us every time.  Without the safety, a pass the opposing team would throw would be caught every time.

Likewise, without everyone being suited up, rested, "well hydrated", encouraged, and ready to play when The Coach calls us in the game, we can get run over sometimes by our enemy.   Imagine if we all let Him call the plays, how different life would be.  Imagine Mom, Dad, Sister or Brother, if one person in a family decides to let God call the plays, what a difference it could make in your family.
Oh, this is not the easy train...this is work, this is sweat, and this is tears.  But when He calls you to go in, oh the chillbumps!!!