"Mama, I just want to serve"

Over a year ago,  Jordan came in from school and said he needed to talk to me about something but didn't want me to be mad.  Boy, did my thoughts run wild!  As a Mama, everything in the world went through my head.  It could be as little as the fact that he lost his hoodie or could be super serious.  

As I sat down, Jordan said, "I think I want to go into the military."   With relief that it wasn't something terrible, I responded with "Ok, but why would you think that would make me mad."  He said, "Well, because it would mean I would probably be gone for a while."   I just smiled as I explained to him how I would only be mad if he didn't do what he knew God wanted him to do.  If He is calling him to the military, and he didn't go, then it would make everyone's life around him miserable until he did what he was meant to do.

As parents, Jamie and I just assumed Jordan would probably be going to play sports somewhere.  He's done well with the abilities God has given him, and it just seemed like this was what he was made to do.  We, neither one, have any military background or much knowledge.  I'll just be completely real with you... in my ignorant mind, I totally confess, military was what people did when there wasn't anything else available for them to do.  Praise God, I've since learned differently!  There are many amazing young men I've had the privilege of knowing that have CHOSEN to serve!
So, we began researching ourselves and Jordan spent much of his free time looking at all kinds of information.

As he finished football with multiple coaches approaching him to play for them.... there was nothing. He loved playing, but this didn't excite him.  He said that he believes his last completed pass was to Justin for a reason and didn't feel like he was supposed to play.  Through tears, seeing it from his selfless perspective, we totally accepted his heart in this situation.

He visited the Air Force recruiter and then ended up meeting SGT Allred of the National Guard.  Jordan definitely has the gift of discernment so when he explained how real this guy was, I didn't have any reservations.  After he came to visit at school one Tuesday, I was taking snacks up for them to leave to go to a game in Anna.  As he picked up the bag of snacks, he told me how SGT Allred visited him again, and he looked me square in the eyes and said, "Mama, I just want to serve."

How do you do anything but totally respect and support that?

He took Daddy to his office to meet, talk, and answer lots of questions.  It took them so long, he almost missed team dinner that Friday which was at our house and all of the Varsity team was here waiting.  I knew that was a good sign, but Jordan's smile from ear to ear when he came in spoke volumes to my heart.  He didn't have time to explain everything before leaving for the game but said we'd talk afterwards.  He was a different boy on the baseball field that day!  He was beaming!  He played an amazing game!  He seemed very free to just be!

He visited his Sergeant almost every day after that as he took the steps needed.  He's set up his own bank account, he's taken care of all the paperwork, and done tons more research.  He's looked at all the options of everything including insurance and jobs.

Then, on Thursday, he was picked up by his Sergeant to head to Amarillo for MEPS.  That morning was interesting because I could NOT stop crying.  But the Holy Spirit gave me the perfect words to explain to Jordan why the tears were falling.  I explained that I was not sad, mad, or worried at all.  I had complete peace as I've watching God do a big work in His life.  I told him I was just so overwhelmed with excitement as I was getting to watch true, real, genuine faith in my own baby boy as he was truly "we live by faith, not by sight"  2 Corinthians 5:7.  He was getting out of the boat with eyes focused on Jesus knowing there are going to be waves but following him anyways. (Peter in Matthew 14:22-33).  He was living his favorite verse 1 Corinthians 16:13  "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong."    I want to be that genuine.  I want to be that real.  He was inspiring me to not live a life so stuck to schedules and comfort but to really seek and step out as God directed!

Yesterday, April 24, 2015, Jordan passed all medical exams including the airborne physical, filled out lots and lots of paper work, and swore in to the National Guard.   He began his 6 year journey enlisted in a branch of the United States Military.  He is now Private Graham.

We picked him up last night in McKinney, and he smiled and talked ALL the way home.  For those that know Jordan, you know he is a man of very few words.  Not last night!  His excitement was obvious, and we could see his dimples from the time we picked him up to the time he laid his head on his pillow!  As we walked in the kitchen coming in, Justin turned and saluted Jordan. I don't know that I'll ever forget that picture!  But I also know it's just the beginning of both of their next adventures!

He will go to basic early September in Georgia.  He'll stay there to do his advanced training and then on to airborne school.  I can't even begin to explain all that my emotions are doing, but I do know the Truth and even more now that God has given me the opportunity to see Him in real life through my Baby B.  


I will always see Jordan's eyes and hear his heart say "Mama, I just want to serve."   I think that he's learned Jesus' words in Acts 20:35 "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

Justin's decision to go, the text, & something I'll never forget!- Justin's wreck- part 2

Jordan & I took Justin to the hospital to have his shoulder checked out.  (There will be another blog about that as I'll never forget Jordan's response to his twin brother's first wreck or the lady at the counter in the hospital asking if Justin had been drinking only to want to crawl under the counter once I explained he walked like that because of cerebral palsy... you can find JOY in everything if you want :)...)

We arrived home the next morning around 5am for Jordan to grab a couple of hours of sleep before baseball practice.  Once he was on his way to the school, I sat and just stared at Justin still asleep and how scared, thankful, sad, mad, anxious, and everything other emotion that you can have was just flooding my heart.  Little did I know what God was preparing for me to experience that day!

See, on Friday afternoon Justin asked if he could go to Kyra's when she came home from her softball game.  Due to the rain, her game had been delayed and delayed again.   It was getting later and later, and about 8:20, Justin said she was home and he was leaving.  Jamie and I both said that we didn't think it was a good idea.  We explained how Kyra was probably exhausted and had to get up early the next day for another game so he could spend the following day with her.  We also explained that it was a big waste of gas money since he could only be over there for a short period of time.  Justin, wanting to go bad, got upset and did what we all do.  "You let Jordan go with Courtney!"   Don't we just love to try to fight to get our way using others!  I'll never forget what Jamie says to Justin as he is standing at the bar trying to get his way.

"Justin, I don't think you should go.  She is tired. You are tired.  I'm not going to say you can't, but I think it would be best if you wait."  God doesn't have a remote control on us.  He directs us but gives us the opportunity to make our own decision.   We try doing the same with the boys.  Don't get me wrong, we have rules, we have curfews, they still have to charge their phones in the living room, etc. but as they've gotten older, we've started to put more responsibility on them and their choices.  

Justin says "I love you" and heads out the door.  

Several minutes later is when I received the text that he was there-  only to find out a few minutes later when he calls that he's had a wreck.

"Mama, I've had a wreck."  

"What?!?!  Justin you just text me that you were there!!!!!!!!!!!"  

My heart was racing!!

"I know. But her Mom wasn't there."

"So where are you?!?!  Where is the other car?!?!  Is anyone hurt!?!?"

Now my heart is racing and I'm really wanting to scream at Justin for lying!

"There isn't another car.  I'm on a side road on the way to Kyra's house."   

"Daddy is on his way."  Praise the LORD- His Holy Spirit took over and directed me to calm down and just talk to Justin as Jamie left to try to find him.  

Jamie is heading out not really knowing where to go, but you see, that IS NOT A PROBLEM for our GOD!  When we allow the Holy Spirit to direct us, He leads us EXACTLY where we need to be!

Jet & I wait patiently at home as I'm reminded of him telling me "Faith doesn't panic" when he was only 3!!! So over and over I say it to myself because Jet is watching me!  He's going to see if this faith Mama says she has is real!  He going to see if I freak out and fret or allow God's peace to rule in my heart!  NOT EASY FOLKS!!!!  This is WHY we need the Holy Spirit to guide us, direct us, and help us EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!

Karla calls to let me know Jamie is with Justin and he seems to be okay except his right shoulder and some bleeding from his head.  Once I called Jordan to come home, we met them out there. (I'll tell that whole story about Jordan next!)  

When Justin woke up on Saturday, it was just the two of us at home.  We napped on and off and just sat on the couch together.  After getting a shower and a visit from Coach Allen, the Varsity baseball coach, Justin asked me if I'd take him out to field to see it.  I said "Sure!" (without having any clue what I was in for!)

We left, and while we were driving, Justin, in the most calm voice through tears, says, "Mama, I just want to say thank you for not screaming at me and not being mad at me."                          OH MY!!!  My heart was NOT ready for that as I felt like I had not handled his phone call well at all. He goes on..."there are a lot of kids at school that have had wrecks and they talk about their parents being so mad and screaming at them and I'm glad you aren't that way."  He then, in his own words, starts talking about the parable of the lost son (or prodigal son).  I smiled telling him how he's telling a Bible story and I'm so proud that he 'sees' it!   (Luke 15)

He KNEW he had done wrong.  He KNEW he had been selfish.  He KNEW he made a mistake.

He didn't need me shoving it down his throat anymore.  He didn't need me making him feel bad for what he had done or replaying "Daddy and I said we didn't think you should go."  

God protected Justin that night while rolling in his Tahoe, and He's taught and is teaching him big lessons.  Is it that he shouldn't have driven to Kyra's that day?   I'm not convinced that's it, but the one thing I do know for sure, it was God's LOVE for him even when he had done wrong...   Not because Jamie and I are the perfect parents.  We wanted to scream.  Jamie's head fell into his hands as he heard the one sided conversation of Justin calling me telling me he was in a wreck.  Our human side of parenting was raging, but all the while, the Holy Spirit was doing a work in us to show Justin how much HE LOVES HIM!  How even when he selfishly chose his way which lead him into a field, He was still with Him, it didn't change how much He loved him, and He was waiting for Justin to call on him for help. 

Are there earthly consequences when we are stubborn?  When we do wrong?  When we insist on getting our way?  Absolutely!

As parents, we are responsible to teach our kids that there are consequences for our actions... in a loving way!  God doesn't condemn us like we can so easily do as parents.  

He disciplines... which is to teach; to train! He's teaching us something bigger..something spiritual!

Proverbs 3:11-12

My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,

because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in"

Justin's consequence.... has no vehicle now.  It would be easy to try to be his savior and rescue him the very next week and try to get him another one, but there's a bigger picture!   

I'm so proud of him because he, himself, hasn't asked a word about getting another car.  He talks about saving up his money and working to get something else.  He's allowing God's discipline to teach him to be patient, waiting on God's perfect timing, to supply His needs.  

While sitting looking at the field, Justin sobbed so hard he could hardly breathe.  Once he caught his breath and could speak, he said "God protected me Mama.  It's only because of God that I'm still here."  His voice was so calm as he then play by play explained everything he remembered from the night before which forever changed not only Justin but those of us around him.

I think of how he could be mad & ask why would God allow this to happen (which I have done plenty of times) but he doesn't... He just remembers how much God loves him! 

Jordan's response both physically & emotionally... up next on part 3  

"Mama, why are they hurting him?"

Yesterday, my Mom told me a story about when I was 4 years old.   We had gone to see the Passion play, and although I remember being there, I don't remember many details or the words I said.   Like always, the timing of her telling me was no mistake.  It's been ringing in my head along with a key part of Stephen Baldwin's message from yesterday at church.

Evidently when they were beating Jesus before hanging him on the cross, I asked my Mom... "Why are they hurting him?"  I guess it was pretty silent around us, and I was not so quiet in my 4 year old curiosity. 

I sit here nearly at 40 and wander the same thing but in a totally different way.

Stephen Baldwin mentioned the thief on the cross because he just finished up a project in Chicago where he played the thief on the cross next to Jesus.  It was totally weird/cool how that was what Kris preached on Easter morning.  The one thief mocked and made fun of Jesus.  "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!" (Luke 23:39) 

The one thief only wanted Jesus to save him.. to do what HE wanted.  He paid no attention to who Jesus really was and what He was doing.

I wander if this thief had been hurt.  I wonder if he couldn't receive forgiveness or even love because all the relationships he had in life tied their love to his behavior.  Maybe he couldn't accept love from Jesus because he didn't feel like he had been good enough or he had behaved badly.  Or maybe he couldn't receive His love because he knew he could never repay him.  

I don't know obviously because I wasn't there, but I've witnessed a whole lot of this just here lately and I wander "why are they hurting Him?"  

Jesus DIED on the cross... a painful,  horrific death SO THAT we could KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVES US!!!  

We don't have to do anything special to get this love... we just RECEIVE the FREE GIFT of SALVATION resulting IN ETERNAL LIFE WITH HIM!!

You don't have to be smart enough, rich enough, fast enough, good enough, athletic enough, creative enough,  tall enough, (fill in the blank for whatever it is that you struggle with)! 

When we turn down this opportunity, I believe it hurts Him!  

When we don't go out and tell others about this LIFE we can have, I believe it hurts Him!  Or worse yet, when others question this love because of people in their life connecting love with behavior. 

PLEASE HEAR ME....  there are no 'strings' attached that you have to DO to keep it!!

How do I know... there was the other thief who responded to him saying "Don't you fear God, since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly for we are getting what our deeds deserve.  But this man has done nothing wrong." Then he said "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."  Jesus answered him "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."   (Luke 23:43)  He believed!  So he received!

Don't get me wrong, when you understand His love... you can't help but want to serve Him.  But more than anything, He just wants YOU and to spend time with You!

Part of Stephen Baldwin's part in the play told the story about this thief after he was in heaven.  He was dying right next to Jesus.  He didn't have any time to go and do anything.  Stephen said yesterday, "Perhaps, the biggest thing this thief stole was living his life only for himself."

I believe when we are selfish, it hurts Him!  

We cross paths with people every day that need to hear about Jesus, but if we are too focused on what we want, we miss the opportunities.

He mentioned how it was a daily focus on John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less.

Seeing life with different 'perspecticles'!

Dark, Deaf & His Greatest Need- Justin's wreck- Part 1

With Justin's permission to share, I hope to paint the spiritual pictures that I've learned in even a greater magnitude after coming upon this very heart wrenching, Mama doesn't ever want to see, awful scene.  By the way, when I asked Justin permission to share the wreck and the stories that go with it (because some were him doing wrong) he said 'I don't care, it was in the past'.
THAT, my friends, is a lesson all in itself!  May we leave what's in the past, in the past, unless we can use it to show someone else how much God loves us and carries us through so much!

Just minutes before Justin landed in a farmers' field, he text me to tell me he was at Kyra's.  So when he called to say he had been in a wreck, I asked him about 20 questions in a matter of about 10 seconds because I initially thought he was playing a trick on me, but the next 10 seconds it became very real that it was true.  

It's the minutes between the text and the phone call that Justin described so vividly the following afternoon that I believe we can all identify with at some point in our lives and will again identify with them.  

Praise Jesus, the last thing he remembers before opening his eyes up again was jerking his steering wheel as he realizes he's at a 90 degree turn and not going to make it at the speed his Tahoe was going.  

When he opened his eyes, he realizes he's out in a field.  He can't hear because his cochlear implant is no longer on his head.  He can't find his phone.  It's very dark and he's all by himself.

As he tells me the story, he says "Momma, I just screamed!"  

I love that!  Not that my son was all alone, couldn't hear, and couldn't find his phone, but that he screamed!  He let it out!  Was there words?  No... but think about a time where you felt so alone, didn't feel like you could hear God... what did you do?  

Justin's response reminds me of Psalm 18:6 

In my distress I called to the LORD:

I cried to my God for help.

Does He need words?  Absolutely not... He knows our hearts!  He knows our needs.. and that is HIM!

Justin continues by saying how He KNEW God was with him.   How?  Well, let's just look at that picture above.  That is the passenger side of Justin's Tahoe.  It looks like no one could ever have survived that wreck.  If you could see the driver's side door (which is what I saw when I drove up), it looks like Justin just went muddin' and got stuck out in the field.  No scratches or dents anywhere on the drivers side.  Justin knows because God's word says "He will never leave us or forsake us" but He also saw his Tahoe and gave God all the glory for him walking away.  

He was physically all alone, but yet he had all he'll ever need.... not a car, not a dad, not a girlfriend, not a phone, not a cochlear implant... nothing but the Presence of Our God!   

He had to crawl out the passenger side door because his door wouldn't open.   His console from between the seats was in the mud as he got out of the passenger side.  He walked around the car trying to find his implant or phone.  Finally, after about 5 circles, he sees a little blinking light that is his cochlear implant.  He's able to get that so he can hear.. praise Jesus!!  Then he starts crawling around looking for his phone.   Thankful that he put his lifeproof case back on just a couple hours before he left (thank you Randall for wanting to use his other case... thank you Holy Spirit for directing this) because he retrieves his phone from water/mud puddle and is able to call for help.    

He then walks to the road to wait for the Houseworths and Daddy to arrive.  Having cerebral palsy doesn't make walking very easy, and a muddy field with a right arm in severe pain made it even harder, but knowing God was with him and heard his cry even without any words, he made it! 

Does God use Daddys, phones, cars, girlfriends, etc to help us?  Absolutely! But

realizing God was my greatest need freed me to be a better wife, mother, friend, etc. because I was not relying on anyone else for my peace or joy or having to buy bigger and better to make me happy. 

Sometimes we don't know this until we are in the dark... we can't hear what's going on...and finally turn and cry to God for help.  

"I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise; and I am saved" Psalm 18:3

Practice calling on the LORD... He is worthy... He is good... He is faithful!!!  

Warning... if you REALLY want to make this step of faith.. He will allow an opportunity to see what you will do!  Pass the test... SCREAM TO HIM!!!!

To be continued.... Justin's decision to go, the text, & something I'll never forget!

Temporary Troubles & Trusting Jesus

As I was going to bed a few weeks ago,  I heard the boys arguing over who didn't plunge the toilet. Yes, I'm being for real!  I laid there listening, and their words just kept getting uglier and more hateful by the minute.   I pondered getting up and going in there, but it was best to just pray and stay in bed.

I woke Justin up first the next morning with questions like "Why were you being so ugly?   Why do you act like you hate your very own twin brother?"

Pause:  I was NOT prepared for what came next!  

"I don't hate Jordan.  I hate that I don't have an option to play football in college, be a firefighter, or go into the military" were the words out of Justin's mouth kind of hard to understand because his cochlear implants aren't on at this point and he's completely deaf.   Although understanding his speech was difficult, understanding his heart was not (well, kind of)!  Jamie and I have been through the stages of hating that Justin has cerebral palsy.  We can definitely understand as his parents, but we don't know exactly what it's like since it's his body that hurts daily, it's his body that keeps him from being able to run fast, and it's his heart and mind that has to process watching Jordan have so many opportunities that he (unless God decides to heal him here on Earth) won't have.  Jamie and I've had 19 years as adults to allow the Holy Spirit to show us multiple times the 'whys' of Justin having cerebral palsy, and although Justin has seen many of them himself,  at this moment, he wanted to be mad (and that was okay!).  I reminded him of several truths, and we prayed together and asked God to help Justin's heart!

2 Corinthians 4:17 says "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Moving on to waking up Jordan with the same questions!

Pause:  I was NOT prepared for what came next!  (But I praise the LORD every time that nothing surprises HIM!!)

"I don't hate Justin.  I hate that I have so many choices to have to make.  It would be easier to not have so many options."  This time, I couldn't stop the tears.  I couldn't figure out how they both had the same yet so different answers.  It's not like I asked them last night and they had a chance to discuss it.  I told Jordan exactly what Justin said!  We talked about several truths, and we prayed together and asked God to help Jordan's heart!   I remember thinking how hard it must be on Jordan to have all these options while watching Justin not have them.

See, after football season, Jordan had college coaches texting him and Coach O'Neal.  We visited one, but Jordan just didn't seem to be interested.  After a few weeks of being able to process and pray about it, he said to me "Mama, I just don't think I can play without Justin.  I've thought a lot about my last pass being to Justin, and I think that was it."  Wow!  Talk about mature and selfless!  How can you argue with that (or stop the tears that roll down your cheeks), and as much as we love watching Jordan play, this year was an amazing one to end on!


Fast forward to last week... Jordan comes out to the car to get his food to eat on the way to the baseball game.  He tells me about a National Guard recruiter coming to the school to see him.  (He's been talking about going into the Air Force so this was a new thing.)  He tells me about the guy, and follows it with "Mama, I just want to serve".  Again, I'm amazed at this mature and selfless comment (and I can't keep the tears from rolling again!)  Jamie and Jordan met with the recruiter on Monday of this week, and the excitement and peace that has come from this meeting is amazing!  We've watched videos and talked about it ever since.

There are many opportunities that can come from this, and to each thing, Justin says "Jordan can SO do that!" or "Jordan will be good at that!"  all the while Justin has been sitting in testing ALL WEEK LONG... English non the less...yuck!  (Sorry education friends & family... I'm Math kind of girl and will NEVER understand the purpose in studying literature :)..)  Justin can still be joyful and celebrate and cheer on Jordan in this decision... that takes a lot of trusting Jesus!

Justin will always be Jordan's #1 fan & Jordan will always be Justin's #1 fan no matter what!

What is Justin's next?  We don't know, but we DO KNOW Philippians 4:17 "My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." and that's all we need to know.  

Trusting Him in the midst of hard times reminds us of Jesus suffering on the cross for us, it's proves our faith to others, and it gives God the opportunity to show us His power.

But how do we do that... Philippians 4:18 tell us "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen it eternal."  

Probably isn't a coincidence that Justin plays "All I know is I'm not home yet, This is not where I belong." A LOT!  and Jordan plays "Forever" A LOT!

Praise Jesus!  Because He died on the cross for us, we get to have this HOPE!