As I looked in the window before workout last week, I saw what my heart was feeling like. I could see the gym, the chairs in the room through the glass, the sling on my arm, the signs, but nothing was completely clear.
I injured my arm in last summer's mission trip while throwing a pretty big tree branch onto a trailer just a few seconds late. My awesome tree carrying partner, Emily, and I had a system down, but my brain didn't quite process as fast as hers one time. When she said "1,2,3 throw, I was back on 1, took the weight of the branch, and then threw it. Feeling an incredible pain go from my shoulder down the backside of my arm, I grabbed it and begged God to not let it be serious. All the while, being completely honest, I knew what He was saying back to me.
See, several years ago, He put a dream in my heart and I received several confirmations from people all around me in various ways. My heart's desire is to write a book about the journey He's allowed me to travel in this life. From preemie twins, 23 surgeries on my three boys, parent's divorce, and many, many other things, I've realized something that I think is super important for people to know.
We all have obstacles in life!
Some of these obstacles are visible like Justin's cerebral palsy,
but overall, most of the obstacles can be hidden.
These are the obstacles that weigh us down.
Once I began talking about these struggles of being afraid, not feeling like I was good enough, struggling with being a good wife & mother, (just to name a small few), I realized I'm not alone. Not only is the Holy Spirit with me every single second, but there are others who have faced these same struggles that help encourage you through them.
That is when Revelation 12:11 came to life for me.
"They overcame him (satan..because he's the one trying to keep you weighed down with whatever the circumstances are so that you won't know the abundant life Jesus died to give you John 10:10)
by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus!)
and but the word of their testimony (talking about it)"
One Sunday, as I was struggling with the guilt of Justin having cerebral palsy, I couldn't have stayed in my pew during invitation if I wanted! I raced down to meet with Bro Clint, and there he said, "I don't know why God would have chosen Justin to have cerebral palsy, but I hope I'm alive long enough to watch it." Within a couple of weeks, I was invited by the Our Children's House of Baylor Dallas to come speak to families of children who were either just born premie or diagnosed with some type of disability. Wow! God was really showing off! As I prepared with pictures, Justin's first little braces for his legs, and my notes, God began to show me as I remembered how it truly felt to hear those words from the doctor, that these people needed to hear from someone who truly understood.
See, when I was pregnant with the boys and the words of the doctors saying 'your babies will die inside of you' rang in my head continuously, people would walk up and say "God's got this" as their children ran around their legs. I knew in my heart that God did, but something about their words didn't help. I truly believe it was because they were empty, what you are supposed to say during a struggle, type of words. BUT, when someone who has been there, done that, and can tell you how Jesus carried them through it talks, it's comforting, it's healing, it's peaceful.
So, as the pain radiated down my arm, I could almost hear God saying 'Now is the time to write the book!" Because I was in trouble... absolutely not! Because He loves me and knows that this is what my heart desires!! (way more about this in the book since I used to live scared God was going to punish me… praise Jesus for freedom from those thoughts!)
Did I listen…. nope! I'm stubborn! I'll fit it in sometime! So I kept going with life!
Until this last few weeks when He made it abundantly clear! As I lay on a physical therapy table, feeling completely worn out with keeping up with our family's schedule, P31 schedule, youth department schedule, and work schedule (all of which are amazing things to be a part of but have made it to where there is no time to write), she said "Trisha, you won't get past this without resting." Although she was talking in the physical terms of my shoulder, God was speaking to my spirit about everything He's been patiently trying to help me with over the last several years.
This was just confirmation of things I knew were coming but were hard to face. I spoke with my P31 owner the next day telling her I'd need time off. My shoulder is a mess, and I was making it worse. Telling my ladies was very difficult, too, as I love, love our time together. Then, Sunday night, Jamie announced in the business meeting that we were retiring from the youth pastor position. I wanted to run out before he said anything. It was very hard, but I've learned that God gives us these 'very hard' situations so we can rely and trust Him more!
Telling the teenagers themselves was the hardest, and as I did it last night, the story of Jesus birth was what God laid on my heart because the angel of the Lord said to both Mary & Joseph "Do not be afraid!" right before she told them what amazing things were going to take place. Easy things, definitely not, but peaceful with God as the director! We, the Grahams, don't have to be afraid and neither do the teenagers as we know God is working everything out for our good because we love Him. (Romans 8:28).
This morning, God just showed off even more! The Sunday School lesson which I just opened says "Fear Not!" He's THAT GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!
So excited to see what's next! You just got a glimpse of the book to come because I am paying attention now… after all, the continual pain in my shoulder reminds me daily!
