Not exactly what I thought I wanted...

Who decides to paint and redo her kitchen just weeks before her twins graduate from high school?

You guessed it!  That would be me!  Of course, in His usual fashion, God used it to remind me and give me a way to show the world His greatness in our lives... yep, you can see God even in a mess of paint, sand paper, & more paint.

I had my picture from Pinterest of what I wanted my kitchen to look like....tan walls, turquoise door, white distressed cabinets & black island top.  It was awesomely different than what I had currently!

Same with my life.  I had a picture of what it was going to look like.  

As a 17 year old walking across the stage, I was planning out my life especially since Jamie and I had gotten engaged the night before my high school graduation.  Our wedding was going to be gorgeous with everyone we loved in attendance, our house was going to be just perfect, and our children... one boy, one girl... of course both big and healthy.  Isn't that what everyone says when you think of having children... "as long as they are healthy!"

Laying on a bed with a sonographer and doctor telling me I'd loose my babies wasn't part of my plan.

Having a doctor tell us Justin wasn't going to make it after they were born wasn't part my the plan.

Jamie and I being separated when the boys turned 1 wasn't part of my plan.

Having a doctor tell us Justin has cerebral palsy wasn't part of my plan.

Having a doctor tell us Justin was deaf wasn't part of my plan.

Having Jordan in ICU with his stomach bleeding wasn't part of my plan.

Justin on the left weighing 3#, on a ventilator, under a lamp for jaundice, with tubes and wires everywhere wasn't part of the plan.
Jordan on the right weighing 2# and oh so very fragile wasn't part of the plan.

Whelp, my kitchen didn't go as planned either.  I put the tan on the walls over my current red.  It sure did make the kitchen look bigger, but ewww, it wasn't working for me at all.  It's okay, let me keep going with the cabinets, and it will be much better- so I thought.  A coat of white paint all over every cabinet, and yuck, it kept getting worse.   I decided to go get fabric for the curtains and pillows in the breakfast nook to see if that would help.  My mom quickly sacrificed her time to do them because she knew I was struggling.  Papa and Jordan got them up as soon as she finished them.

 That helped A LOT, but I still had to finish the painting.  I took off one of the cabinet doors and distressed the lower part to see if I'd like it before I did the whole kitchen.  I was relieved that it was what I was expecting!

Until I did the entire cabinet, and YUCK.... not okay!

So back to the basics I go.  

White coat of paint over entire tops again, 

but I decided to go black on the bottoms 

although I know this probably isn't hgtv material :), it's okay I LIKE IT!  

I ended up going with red honeycomb vinyl... yep vinyl for the backsplash, and 

Look How It Turned Out!!!

I walked in my kitchen the next morning, and I was like

THAT IS MY KITCHEN!  IT REALLY IS...

IT'S WAY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED

AND,

we aren't even finished!  

Jamie is building butcher block countertops for me which 

will be even better!

Is it perfect?  

Oh! no way... you will see paint streaks that would make a professional cringe.  

You will see chipped off parts that happened the day after I painted them.  

I could focus on those things or I can say 

this is my kitchen & I love walking into it every single day, several times a day!

I love my kitchen because people gather in it to eat, to talk, to pray!

Much like my kitchen, our lives haven't turned out like we expected, 

and I'm SO THANKFUL they didn't! 

Because of all of the 'unhealthy parts', 

we have learned and continue to learn that knowing Jesus is what we really need!

I wake up thinking 

THIS IS MY LIFE!  IT REALLY IS... 

IT'S WAY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED

AND,

we aren't even finished!

I can't tell you what is to come but I know my God knows and it's always GOOD!

Is it perfect?

  

Oh! no way... you can see tears on any given day, an argument, and rolling of the eyes.

You can see Justin struggling to hear, stand up, or even walk some parts of the day.

I could focus on those things OR I can hold onto this promise...

"For our light and momentary troubles 

are achieving for us an eternal glory 

that far outweighs them all.  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, 

but on what is unseen.  

For what is seen is temporary, 

but what is unseen is eternal!"  

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

What are you focused on?  

Maybe your life doesn't look anything like you hoped it would.  Can I tell you that I have realized and continue to see that EVERYONE has obstacles.... even if they don't want to admit it.  Those obstacles help us, if we let them, to see God in a bigger way!  There is nothing to hard for HIM!  And guess what?   No matter what you are going through... just remember, it's NOT the end of the story!

In John 16:33,

Jesus said,

  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world!"

Yes, my life is not exactly what I thought I wanted...

 Instead, it is WAY better than I could have imagined, and guess what?  the best is yet to come!

ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS!!

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, Every fear is gone

I know

He holds

My Life

My Future 

in His Hands

Amen!  Amen!

I'm Alive

I'm Alive

Because He Lives!

(Great song... Because He Lives by Matt Maher... YouTube it! Hear it in your heart!)

Moving, Auditioning, & Training

As I was pulling down on the tricep bar at the Y, a sweet lady was calling out to Jamie behind me to come help her.  She was probably in her 60's and needed him to help her put the step up platform at a lower level.  Just her presence screamed joy and peace.   She began stepping up and down on that platform at her own pace.  As I finished up what I was doing, I walked over to her and asked her a question.  "Have you always worked out?"  She said, "Yes ma'am, my Mom always moved somehow someway."  Her response has repeated over and over in my thoughts.  For the few months that we've been going to the Y as well as the months I was involved in P31 Fitness, I have noticed a constant.

The people that keep moving...  KEEP moving... are WAY more joyful, kind, & peaceful!

I've been the on and off person all of my life, but last week, while working VBS, I did not get up and do my regular workout, and WOWZERS, could I tell a huge difference!  Moving physically gives me more energy and focus , and I can get more accomplished and feel better doing it... Hmm, you think God didn't design us perfectly!  So I'm working on being an ON... constantly ON...

"You don't understand, Trisha, I can't exercise because..."  See, before you even read this, the Holy Spirit was working, and He knows what you'll say, but before I loose you, this is WAY more that trying to get you to exercise :)

Everyone can move somehow.  There is a lady at the Y that I watch every day.  She has got to be in her 90's.  The transit bus drops her off every day in her little dress pants, blouse, and sweater vest. She gets her towel and heads for whatever she is going to do that day.  I've seen her on the row machine, the weight machines, the bikes, the treadmill.... DOING HER OWN PACE.. but she is moving!

The parallel between the physical and spiritual is amazing to me!  The lessons we can 'see' (with the help of the Holy Spirit once we accept the free gift of salvation and call on Jesus to be our Lord and Savior) during a physical moment can teach us so much spiritual lessons!

As I read 2 Timothy 3:16-17 this morning
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
something stood out to me...
all of those words end in -ing.  Stick with me; I don't have a degree in English, but I have the Holy Spirit that teaches me all things.  When you look up verbs ending in -ing, it says '-ing ending is used to show the progressive aspect- continuous verb tense'.

Woah!  This goes exactly with what I'm talking about with continually moving physically, and I have no doubt the same applies spiritually!  We need to be in God's word not just to obtain knowledge, but to be able to have it for
teaching us- show or explain how to do something
rebuking us- express sharp disapproval
correcting us- put right
training us- teach a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time  
in righteousness (right with God)
so that (why are we going to do these things)
the man of God may be thoroughly (totally and completely)
equipped
for every good work.

Did you know that the Bible says you are God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do?  Yep, it's Ephesians 2:10.

But I don't feel like I can do anything.  Step off the emotional rollercoater with me then, and let God's Word become active, real, and continuous in your life!  It doesn't matter how you 'feel'... trust me...

Let me give you an example with my awesome husband who has given me permission to share :)

Jamie used to lead worship for our youth department.  He learned to play the guitar just 5 or 6 years ago, but he has been singing since we were teenagers.  As we've moved churches,  Jamie hasn't done much singing or playing.  A couple of weeks ago, in the bulletin, it had a little blurb about auditions for the praise team.  Jet said "Daddy, I'm pretty sure the Holy Spirit is talking to you."  Kind of, heck, there was no kind of, Jamie blew it off. 

Then last week, as I was working VBS, Jonathan (worship pastor) 'just happens to' walk into the snack room for teachers and sits down right next to me.  Let me tell you, there are hundreds and hundreds of people at FBC Wylie so this was not taken lightly. We exchanged introductions, and within the first couple of minutes, it was obvious God was up to something.  I shared with him some of what has gone on and where our hearts were at, and he quickly explained his experiences which were so similar.  As we got up, he told me to have Jamie email his secretary who, guess what!  just happened to walk in at that moment, and I got to meet her.  

Jamie was at the fire station so I quickly called him as we left VBS.  He wasn't too sure about this 'auditioning' thing.  I mean, that would be uncomfortable, he doesn't have any formal musical education, and there are a lot more people qualified at a church this big. Right?

The next day he has me email Jennifer (Jonathan's secretary) in which he wasn't too sure about the quick response in email and text from Jonathan.  As they began texting Jonathan, Jamie was quickly seeing what I saw in his realness and an audition time was set up.   I'm at a birthday party when this happens, but when I come in, Jamie is at the computer, with his guitar and paperwork, singing... 

but not very happy about it.  

Not going to lie, I was laughing at God's sense of humor inside but definitely not showing it... YET:)

That was Monday night, and his audition was Tuesday evening at 7:40.  

Tuesday morning, Jamie is no doubt battling.  He's a tad bit grumpy, saying he's not going, and I'm still not letting him see that I'm dying laughing.  I, finally, after praying and asking the Holy Spirit if I was supposed to say anything (this is an ongoing lesson as a wife & mom)  tell him 

1.  that I am not going to be disappointed if he didn't think he was supposed to go.  

2.  that although there were several musical requirements on the paperwork that we didn't even know what they meant much less have them, maybe it's his spiritual strengths that was important  

3.  that I would support whatever he decided.

He left to run a few errands which included the grocery store in which Jamie picked up Koolaid packets that go in water.  He used to always drink them before he sang.  I didn't say anything about it but watched as he continued to battle and continued to pray for him to know.  

Jordan & Jet left to go to Academy, and Jamie said to me "I don't think I'm supposed to go.  I'm going to let Jonathon know."  He types out a text and reads it off to me.  It was very professional and he was explaining how he was afraid he wouldn't meet the time requirements since his schedule is so different.  I told him it sounded nice, and he sent it.  Literally (I'm still laughing retelling this story) his phone went off very quickly, and Jamie said "I don't like this dude" with a half way smile.  

"Why?" I asked.  Jonathan's response was "Would you mind still coming to the audition?".  I can't contain myself anymore and burst out laughing in which was the Holy Spirit's perfect timing.  Jamie laughed, too.  I told him I didn't understand why he didn't just explain to Jonathan his hesitations about the requirements, but more than that, this was no doubt, God giving him an opportunity to be obedient, get out of his comfort zone, and grow... continuously moving spiritual!  

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6  

We tend to fight that sometimes just like we fight wanting to work out, but lifting more weight, going a little longer, doing something different changes us for the better... it makes us stronger!  Same for the spiritual... we aren't meant to get saved and wait for heaven.  He wants us to step out of the boat and onto the water to trust him, and boy was Jamie seeing the waves as many of us would do.

BUT, he left the house with guitar and grape Koolaid in hand... with me still giggling!  He knew, I knew, this was NO accident and it would require the Holy Spirit to help him... HMMM, what a perfect place to be (When we are weak, HE IS STRONG!)

It was anything but comfortable on that much larger stage than he's used to, with a band he just met, and two very talented musicians asking him to do different things, but HE LOVED IT! 

Jamie amazed me with all of this because not only did he do it, but he let the boys and I see his struggle and his trying to get out of it, but ultimately his humility when he realized, "Ok, God... I'm not going to fight any more.  You know what is best, and even though I don't necessarily feel like doing this, I definitely don't want to not grow.  Plus, I have my wife and children watching... is my faith going to be real."

What about you?  What about me?  Are you moving... Am I moving?

That sweet lady that I may never see again has no idea the impact of her words...

My Mom taught me to always move somehow, someway!  

How about it... will you join me in not standing still any longer!  There is immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine waiting on us because God is ABLE... to Him be ALL GLORY!

Overcoming My Hardest Obstacle Yet

As we wrapped up Justin & Jordan's baseball playoffs, Senior activities, and graduation as well as swore into the military and enrolled in college and paid for the dorm deposit,  I sat here reminiscing last Tuesday, June 9th, also my 40th birthday, and God taught me something about probably, shoot not probably, it is my biggest obstacle ever!

... harder than having a child with cerebral palsy
... harder than thinking about Jordan being away at bootcamp
... harder than having divorced parents
... harder than almost being divorced myself
... harder than losing weight and getting healthy

and He taught it all through my oven!

Who would have thought?  But when I read my Bible and it says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you." declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, " declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."   (Jeremiah 29:13-14),  God confirms to me that I can find Him if I'll just seek Him-----
get that---- you have to seek Him to find Him!
Where you'll find Him is not limited to anything?
He is God and can show up EVERYWHERE and HE DOES!

What could be harder than all of those and much more that I didn't list..... WORDS!!

Yep, words... words said in my own head, words that I say out loud, and words that I listen to!  

Stick with me because I have a feeling I am not alone in this battle, but we CAN overcome this bondage!!

Have you ever said something and wished you could take it back?  Have you ever had something said to you or around you that just cut right to your core?  Of course, we all have!  But what happens when that is an ongoing problem...  

Proverbs 18:21 says this "The tongue has the power of life and death"  

Did you get that... LIFE & DEATH... the POWER of LIFE & DEATH!  

It goes on to say "and those who love it will eat its fruit."  

I like the message version "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit- you choose."  

For several months, and maybe even years if I'm being honest, my heart has been convicted about this area of my life.... both speaking & listening to poison.   I realized and saw that this needed repair in my life, but I put it off and put it off (in comes the parallel to the oven!)  

See, the glass on the inside of the oven broke a while back.  I'm not even sure how long it has been, but I just kept on with my 'busy' life.  (By the way, busy is a four letter word in my book!  I despise the word because it is such lame excuse satan throws at us for avoiding the important things but that's a whole different blog).  I've had to adjust my cooking and turn the food during the time it cooked to avoid one side being burned and the other not done.   I've burned the bottom of muffins while the tops were doughy.  I let it get dirtier and dirtier because after all, it was broken.  It would take a lot to fix! 

It wasn't until the day of graduation that I was trying to cook our lunch, and what should have taken 14 minutes wasn't done in 45 minutes.  We realized that the heating element at the bottom went out. We priced replacing the whole oven, but with all that has gone on in 2015, there is no budget for a new oven... and that obviously wasn't God's plan anyways :)!   So Jamie got on the phone and ordered that part.  He went the next morning and picked it up AND the piece to fix the door.  So, YAY!, on my birthday, we are fixing and cleaning the oven... just what ever girl wants to do!  

Boy, did I not realize how very special it really was going to be!   

As Jamie watched youtube videos to figure out how to do stuff, I cleaned out the years of gunk... yes, gunk.. on the bottom of the oven.  I scrubbed, sprayed and coughed from so much spray, scrapped and scrubbed some more,  and then finally, it looked brand new.  Jamie put the new heating element in... no big deal, but this door!  Wowzers! There is a lot to it!   We took it completely apart and scrubbed, sprayed and scrapped on it, too!  The years of the glass being broken caused quite the film on the other pieces of glass that took some time to get it off.

But we did it!  We got everything completely clean and put back together.   Then it was test time! We turned it on and boom!  It was beautiful!  I think it was cleaner than when we first got it and boy, was it shiny!  Then the real test came when I was making breakfast the next morning.  I put the biscuits on the stone and in the oven as usual, and you wouldn't believe it!  They were perfectly done with no spinning during the time!  

Do you see the spiritual parallel yet?  Words... they break us, they break others, and if we don't tend to them with God's Word, it causes years of build up!  years of us not working properly!  

I have been in the taking apart and cleaning stage for a while now.  The scrubbing and scrapping is uncomfortable, but it's good. (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.... you should memorize that if you haven't already!  It is LIGHT to lots of situations.  I don't have trouble being reminded of God's goodness- I used to get mad because when I ask the boys how anything is, their day, their practice, their project went, and their only reply was 'good', but now I see that God was teaching me :)

I've read and reread verses like Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who hold his tongue is wise."  and I've failed over and over again.  With things going on all around me that are just wrong, it makes my emotions feel like they are on the Titan at Six Flags, and my initial reaction (because it's what I've always done) is to talk about it.... talk about 'them'.   But I've also read and reread Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  

My poor hubby is the one that has had to endure it the most!  But on my birthday,  I was able to explain to him that I really wanted to do better at speaking and listening to words that built up, were wise, and glorifying to my God who loves me so much that He sent His ONLY Son to die on the cross for my words, my sins, my faults.  

The tests have come and have come plentiful, but quick prayers like "Holy Spirit, please control my thoughts" have been my life line.  Have I failed?  Yes!  Do I quit... ABSOLUTELY NOT because in just one short week, I've already seen a HUGE difference!  

Things work much better when functioning how they were meant to work... So thankful we have a Guide!   If you are at a point where you feel the poison of your words or the words around you, ask Him TODAY to help you!  There is never a point where you can't have a redo and start fresh!  It's your future... let Him bring you out of bondage!