Watching them rest

As I walked down the hall to wake the boys up on Sunday morning, I stopped for a second and just watched them sleep.  I'm beginning to realize that this 'stopping for a second' is just filling my soul with so much!   In my world where things are always go go go, 

I'm learning that this stopping for a second is where God wants me to be!

I've always loved to watch my boys sleep since they were born.  It might be because when Justin & Jordan were born, they were sleeping for a long time and that's all I could do was watch them sleep.  Their little 2 and 3 pound bodies were fighting a fight just to stay alive so it was good that they rested.  

Then as they grew and Jet came along, 

I loved to watch them sleep because it was peaceful & quiet :)

After days of going to speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, doctor's appointments, playing outside, cooking, cleaning, playing hide and seek, refereeing arguments, cleaning some more, jumping on the trampoline, riding bikes, breaking up wrestling matches, getting boys down from off the dining room table or screwing the top back on the dining room table after they had gotten under it and taken EVERY screw out, cleaning up the Tide out of the dryer, reading books, cleaning the giant baby powder that was so much fun to dump out, placing bandaids on booboos, rushing to the ER for stitches,  rushing to the ER to make sure Jet didn't have an implant battery in his stomach, finding money in Justin's stomach when doing X-rays for pneumonia, doing breathing treatments for Jordan, and 

well, I could probably fill up the blog, but you get the point….

when they were sleeping, it was GOOD!  It was good for them & good for Mama & Daddy!  

Rest helped them and us be prepared and ready for the next day!  They knew that they could lay their heads on their pillows (usually all in the same bed), 

and we would be there for them... for a new day, a new adventure!

As I was standing there watching them Sunday 

(of course after I took their pictures because I'm a visual learner 

so I love to put pictures with my writings),  this verse came to my mind.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

I think God probably likes to watch us rest….

not necessarily sleeping,

 but resting in His presence, 

trusting that He will protect us, 

that He will always provide for our every needs, 

and He will ALWAYS be there for us because He will never leave or forsake us.  

There is a lot of activity in our minds much like all the physical activity that takes place raising boys. Sometimes just as Justin & Jordan's little bodies were fighting to stay alive, 

we feel like we are fighting to stay alive in all the struggles… 

finances, medical diagnosis, repairing relationships, 

death of loved ones, (you fill in the blank for your life)…

How are we supposed to rest during all these things?

I'm glad you asked…

Back to Truth… 

"COME TO ME" Jesus said...

  

May we go to Jesus with that weariness and give Him ALL our burdens, so we

can experience this incredible rest that only comes from 

TRUSTING HIM!

I used to think this was a one time event…it's not for me…

it's a daily, hourly, minute by minute thing…

Go to Jesus!… He will give you rest!

Who's holding you up?

Waking Justin up this morning, it was hard watching his body in so much pain.   As I helped him to sit up, he stretched his legs out off the bed to stand….only to kneel down on the floor.  

This isn't anything new to me, but this morning, it caused me to stop….

to be still…

Then it was time to wake Jordan up…then Jet… and on to the normal morning routine.

After getting everyone's lunches made, breakfast made, and out the door, I sat down to my devotional.  "Find fulfillment through living close to Me, yielding to My purposes for You."  -Jesus Calling

Nothing in my life has ever caused me to live closer to Jesus 

than having a baby boy diagnosed with cerebral palsy.  

Thinking over time that it would get easier, it hasn't.  

There are days I still cry but it's different.  I know God understands and some days, 

tears into his loving hands is what this Mama needs to do.

As I continued to read, 

Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (How cool is it that I was blessed to be used by God to be a place to knit Justin together) "I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful.  I know that full well."

THEN CAME WHAT HOLDS ME UP…

Philippians 3:20-21

But our citizenship is in heaven, And we EAGERLY await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the POWER that enables him to bring everything under HIS CONTROL, 

WILL TRANSFORM our lowly bodies so that THEY WILL BE LIKE HIS GLORIOUS BODY!

One of these days, either at Jesus returning or when mine and Justin's time on earth is through, 

I will forever and ever and ever get to watch Justin in a glorious body… no pain…ever again!

Although sometimes it's not easier on my emotions than when the diagnosis first came, 

my spirit KNOWS the purpose of why Justin has cerebral palsy is bigger than I can imagine.  

I've watched a teenager accept Christ as his Savior after 

Justin bumped him with his walker when he was younger and said "Are you saved?"  

I've watched other kids that are used to being around 

Justin reach out to other kids who are 'different' and make them feel accepted. 

I've also watched as each and every Friday night, 

a team full of Braves and Brave coaches 

help hold Justin up both physically and emotionally 

until the day comes when he receives a glorious body!  

 

Sometimes people will say to me "if I could just see God, I could believe".

I see God every time I look at Justin and he knows 

"he is God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for him to do" 

so he gets up another day to walk in pain because

The One who is ultimately holding Him up is AMAZING 

and He is faithful and He is working everything out for Justin's good!

So if this pain causes others to KNOW JESUS,

which therefore gives them eternity to watch Justin run, too,

then it's all worth it!

Let Jesus be who holds you up today!

Want to play hide & seek?

When the boys were younger, we used to play hide and seek all of the time.

I'm not sure Justin & Jordan loved playing hide and seek as much as they loved putting Jet in places they knew I'd probably never look :)

Have you ever felt like you were playing hide and seek with God?  Sometimes, in those moments of struggle or loneliness, we can wonder 'where are you God?'

I have!  

-when I was 14 weeks pregnant with Justin & Jordan and the doctor told me they were going to die inside of me…that I'd never have them..plan their funeral

-when the words cerebral palsy came out of a doctor's mouth while I was holding my precious 14 month old Justin

-when the words severe to profoundly deaf came of out the doctor's mouth while I was hold my precious 17 month of Justin

-when I lost my three grandparents in 18months all while the above diagnosis were determined

-when I was holding Jordan at 2 years old in Children's hospital and he couldn't breathe 

-when Jamie and I struggled so bad in our marriage that we were separated when the boys turned 1

-when I was a little girl and my parents got divorced

-when (fill in the blank with your life)

We've all been there!  But friends, let me tell you!  Praise the LORD, He NEVER plays hides from us.  He is ALWAYS there….never leaves us or forsakes us!!

It is us!  It is ME!  I stopped seeking HIM!  

Oh, I went to church.  I talked about Him.  I had all the cute decorations about Him and wore the Christian t-shirts, too, but I wasn't seeking Him. 

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, " declares the LORD, " and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:13-14

I don't know if I even knew what seeking God meant for years.  I thought it meant going to church and doing the churchy things, but I was still empty especially during the hard times.  

One day, while crying out to God, I realized I was seeking everything else but Him.  I had my dream husband, kids, home, car, staying at home raising my boys…everything I thought I ever wanted.  But I never spent time truly seeking God…being still in His presence and knowing His love for me.  

I realize now that spending time in His Word, speaking to Him all the time, and being quiet and listening, that you find Him EVERYWHERE!  

I hear Him in the birds that chirp every morning.  

I hear Him in the giggles of my boys… even as teenagers:)  

I feel Him in the breeze that blows in my face.  

I touch Him each time I kiss my boys and hubby goodnight.  

And I even feel Him each and every morning I wake Justin up, and He gives him the strength to stand on his legs…to walk another day…to hear another day… to smile another day knowing HE IS GOOD!  And He has plans to prosper us, not the harm us, to give us hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Play hide and go seek with God… you will ALWAYS find Him…

sometimes it's just not where you thought :)

Can Jordan please have another chance?

That's what I was thinking last Friday night immediately after the last buzzer sounded, but wow! am I so blessed today to know what came of that moment!

Coming back out on the field after half time, the boys were down quite a bit.  That certainly did not stop them from giving their all second half.

They fought and fought and came back to within 8 points.  We are marching down the field, and everything was happening super fast!  Pass! Run!  Pass!  Time out!  I'm not sure the exact details but you can ask Jamie when  you see him because I'm sure he's watched Hudl quite a few times :)  We are down really close to scoring and being able to tie this ballgame against none other than Farmersville!!  Everyone and I mean everyone is on their feet!  There are 8 seconds left on the clock!  The crowd is cheering!  We all see the 4th down across the field and know it's our last chance at getting into the end zone.  Then it happens… Jordan purposely downs the ball.

Everything got super super silent and heads dropped in disgust and disappointment.  I wished with all my heart I could fly out and scoop up Jordan out of that moment.  I took a second to just pray for him, gathered my stuff, sang the school song, and started towards the fence to meet him coming off the field.  

While walking down, my brother said, "Did you see that?  The scoreboard had 3rd down on it!  I can't believe that!"  That was followed by me feeling the need to say that to a few people out of not knowing what to say/think in that moment as all eyes were on MY SON!  

Surely that was the excuse of why he did that.  

Surely there was a reason this happened.  

Boy, was there ever a reason.  

This Mama has learned so much from Jordan Bailey Graham…God's SON that He has loaned me while here on earth.  Yes, he calls me Mama.  Yes, he is my son.  But God has bigger plans than that moment, and I'm blessed to know He gave me the opportunity to learn from it.

See, when we got home, Jordan said when we were all talking about it.  "I didn't even look at the scoreboard."  (Real honest moment here…) I thought for a second "Jordan, that's your out.  That's your easy reason for the mistake you made. Roll with it!"  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit intervened in my thoughts before it came out of my mouth.  God reminded me "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

As game day has rolled around this week, I was reminded to text Coach O'Neal thank you because I saw him grab Jordan right after the hand shake with Farmersville.  Coach O'Neal has been Jordan's head coach for 4 years now, and he knows Jordan. He knows that he felt responsible for the loss.  I don't know exactly what was said, and I don't need to know.  I know he was encouraged and positive was poured into him at that moment.  What I didn't know was this… Jordan said "Coach, I wasn't looking at the scoreboard." 

Tears ran down my cheeks this morning as I read Coach O'Neal's text back to me.  He told me what Jordan had said followed with 'How many kids would turn down an out or an excuse in that situation?'  

To my knees I went thanking the Lord for my #10 who during this week, God has taught me more than I could imagine through him!  How many times do I try to make excuses for not doing something right?  How many times do I take the out?   

I see that Jordan could have thrown a pass and 2 point conversion and won the game earthly speaking.  Everyone would have loved him!  He would have been a hero!  

Instead, I see how God allowed Jordan the choice to make that mistake.  Whether or not we would have won the game without that mistake, we will never know.  But eternally speaking, Jordan won that game of life.  Because Jordan is amazing… well yes, Mama thinks so…but no, because Jesus is amazing in Jordan!

Happy Friday Night Lights Everyone!

   

Who in the world is calling the plays?

I wrote this after playing Anna in 2013 but after reading it this morning, it was so cool how it went along with my blog I wrote this morning on weeds!  Hope you enjoy!

I'm guilty!

I did what I never wanted to do.  I questioned the play calling!!!  I can't stand it when I hear it done, and then there I fell into it!!! 

And then it came.... object lesson after object lesson that God taught me all weekend and today.

We like to question things.   We question God.  We question decisions we ourselves are making along with decisions that everyone around us is making.  We sometimes think we know a better way that will provide a better outcome.  

In football,  the coaches are positioned on the field and in the press box.  The one in the press box is calling the plays because he has a better view of the field since he is much higher up.   The other coaches are on the sidelines communicating with the ones in the press box throughout the whole game. All of the coaches all week long have watched film over the rival of the week and know a lot about what they are going to run both offensively and defensively.  They watch film with the boys and then decide and practice plays they will run that week against that team.  

Those of us that are not in that process have no idea about the opponent until we sit down and watch on Friday evening (unless you are a dad that really scouts out the other team or happen to remember from years before).    The game starts and everyone is excited, but then something happens when things aren't looking too promising.  A big drop in mood and energy happens with much of the stands and words start flying that don't help anyone involved.  All of a sudden, coaches are being bashed, kids are being spoken about negatively, and lots of people have a much better way of doing it.  

BUT WAIT!!

We complete another pass, and we are ahead again!  All is good again!!  Oops!  We fumbled and the other team has it!  

I've really realized this isn't even just high school football.  Bless Tony Romo's Mom's heart.  She must be one strong Mama to endure what people say about her son.  Except this week, it was what a wonderful job he did! 

WHY?  WHY do we do this?  

We know nothing about a person's heart from the stands in a football game.  

We know nothing about what they are going through on a particular day.  

Thank the Lord above that HE is the PERFECT play caller for our lives!   He knows our enemy, the devil,  better than anyone  else and tries to tell us minute by minute how to avoid getting tackled by his schemes.   He knows that satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came to give us LIFE and life to the FULL!!  (John 10:10)  

Thing is... we cannot live life questioning His play calling for ourselves and definitely not for others.  He may be directing them or us in a way to avoid a nasty injury.  He sees a much bigger picture than a football field.  He knows perfectly our past,  our present and our future.    

Trust Him Today!

Go pick the weed!

It's kind of funny the things that God teaches me and the means He uses to teach me, and it's also cool that He gives me the confidence to post things like this horrible picture of my very own flower bed in hopes that someone else can see Him in their every day life!

I could make up a story about how I shipped in some new exotic shrub from Africa, but it would be obvious that I was lying.  This is a straight running weed, and it's obviously that I neglected to take care of it for quite some time.  So much that it has overtaken a white crepe myrtle shrub that you can no longer see any parts of it.  

Man, does this explain what I do so many times.  

See, for weeks, and I mean weeks, I would say, "I need to go out and take care of those weeds in my flower beds."  Each time we'd leave to go somewhere, I'd see them, and it would bother me.  So I would have it my head to take care of as soon as we got back.  It grew and grew so big that it literally took over the crepe myrtle.  If I would have just taken a few minutes to go out when it first came to my head, it would have been an easy pull the weed, and it's done.  But instead, I stalled out on doing what I knew needed to be done.  By the time I finally took care of it, I had to borrow Papa's shrub trimmers to actually cut it down because the root of it was so huge.

So as in life!  We have things we know we need to take care of in life, but they are just not fun instructions!  No one likes to pick weeds!  No one likes to deal with hard things in life, but if we are not careful, the roots that grow up over time are HUGE.  Not only that, it takes over and consumes us so that we can not even see the beautiful flowers of our lives.  

Isaiah 30:20-21 says Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "This is the way: walk in it."  

As God's child, the Holy Spirit directs me daily.  Whether it be

Stop for a few seconds and pray for …

Stop for a few seconds and spend time with your son...

Stop for a few seconds and go see your Mom…

Stop for a few seconds and BE STILL…

Stop for a few seconds and …..

It happens all day every day.  He's trying to help direct me in the way I should go.  Some things not so fun to deal with and others easy to deal with but leave our to do lists continuing to grow which can stress us out.   I've done a bad job of listening in the past.  So much that I lived with regret all the time.  He doesn't just go away if you don't listen and PRAISE GOD for that!  I'm so glad that He is persistent, gentle and patient in His dealing with me.  I'm a work in progress….that is for sure!  He loves me too much to leave me where I am so He talks to me, directs me and loves on me the entire time!    In the past,  I have ignored His leading (much like I ignored the weed) and it resulted in being frustrated when it came back up that I didn't take care of it the first time.  But KNOWING Romans 8:1 says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus", I dropped the guilty feeling, pity party and took care of business.

I have dreams of becoming a speaker/author all for the glory of God.  This morning I realized that while having those dreams are great and believe He has put those dreams in my heart, I, in the mean time need to be obedient in the daily 'turn to your right or to the left' and walk in His ways daily.

There are people every single day that need our smile, need our love, and need to know Jesus is real! He is so so loving!  He is so so faithful, and when things look dim, He can still be trusted.  He is good…always, and we live in a world that needs to know that today!  

Praying for obedience in all the little but actually huge ways He directs today!